NPO publishes blog articles to inform and to stimulate conversation about issues of importance to NPO's mission. All blog articles express the opinions of the authors as individuals and do not necessarily reflect the views of National Parents Organization, its Board of Directors, or its executives.
Dr. David Ludwig, an obesity specialist at Harvard-affiliated Children"s Hospital Boston, said the point isn"t to blame parents, but rather to act in children"s best interest and get them help that for whatever reason their parents can"t provide.
Reviews of VAWA grantees have uncovered vast problems with record-keeping and unallowable expenditures, said Mr. Grassley. "Simply put, in today"s economic environment, we cannot tolerate this level of malfeasance in federal grant programs.'I disagree. I would prefer Grassley to have said "we cannot tolerate this level of malfeasance in federal grant programs in any economic climate." But I'll take what I can get. What level of malfeasance is the senator referring to? Well, for starters, the president's Office of Management and Budget candidly admits that it doesn't have enough information on what shelters and other grantees do with the money we give them to assess their success or failure. We also can't do that because there are no standards for success or failure. Those standards don't exist because no one's thought to establish them. In short, shelters and other recipients of the $551 million in VAWA funding are pretty much free to spend it any way they want with no consequences for the rampant "malfeasance" Grassley referred to. And that brings us to Fissure Number Three.
Government Accountability Office official Eileen Larence testified about the dearth of data related to VAWA and domestic-violence issues. But she cautioned Congress that "challenges exist for collecting this data,' such as people"s confidentiality and safety, staffing costs and definitions of abuse.She gets the day's prize for understatement. Put another way, DV shelters refuse to tell the government that pays them what they do. So there is indeed a "dearth of data." There need not be, but there is. All Congress has to do is treat VAWA the same way it treats every other federal program except the CIA (interesting comparison, no?) and we'd at least be headed in the right direction. Congress needs to establish standards for DV shelter performance and require accurate reporting of what's done, what's spent and for what. Some agency with enforcement authority needs to oversee compliance. That's as basic as it gets and yet DV shelters have to date been all but exempt from all of it. One of the consequences of VAWA funding and shelter behavior flying under the radar is to take the entire system out of the democratic process. When administrative agencies are empowered by Congress to establish standards of performance and oversee compliance, we the people are able to know what is going on behind the closed doors of those receiving our tax money. That way, we can demand change if it's warranted. But when we don't know what's going on inside DV shelters, we can't very well bring our influence to bear on our elected representatives. What would we say? As far as I know, that wasn't mentioned at yesterday's hearings, but for the first time since its original passage, there are cracks in the edifice of VAWA's hitherto unquestioning support. And that portends more of the same. There are plenty of other issues with VAWA beyond the three that have come up, but once Congress gets the regulatory bit in its teeth, the law will unavoidably become more sensible, gender-neutral and recipients of grants will have to conform to the standards set. None of that is ideal. The ideologues will still rule the roost, but as time goes on, they'll more and more be expected to prove their claims, justify the exclusion of women with teenage boys, verify that those receiving services are actually victims of DV, etc. Shelters will less and less be havens for drug dealers. Homeless women will be directed to homeless shelters so that actual victims of DV will have room at shelters. Male victims will start to receive protection and female perpetrators will get treatment. And with the emphasis on tight budgets, I'd expect the definition of domestic violence to be narrowed considerably. At some point, some senator is bound to start asking why federal funds are being used to house women because their husbands shouted at them or they were afraid they might. Remember, that's one of the things Eileen Larance emphasized as problematical - "definitions of abuse." All that is to say that the edifice is finally showing signs of cracking. Will VAWA be reauthorized this year? Of course it will be. But change is in the wind.
Domestic violence is now the most common cause of injury to women ages 15 to 44.No, actually it's not. According to the Centers for Disease Control, it's nowhere in the top five, being far outstripped by things like falls, motor vehicle accidents and overexertion. Indeed, anyone who's ever taken a defensive driving course would hesitate to say that anything causes more injury to the young than do motor vehicle accidents. The least regard for accuracy would have stopped Dr. Phil from making the patently untrue claim and the committee from hearing it. From the outright false, McGraw improved to the merely misleading. For him, all DV is done by men and all of it is serious. He's like so many in the DV establishment who are pleased to inflate the definition of DV to include every minor push or shove and every raised voice. That's on one hand; on the other they call all DV "battering." That allows them to vastly exaggerate how many instances of DV there are and at the same time pretend they're all life-threatening. They shift their definitions without letting on they're doing it. And so it is with the august Dr. McGraw.
2,000,000 women a year are victimized meaning as we sit here today in the 1st hour of this hearing, 228 women are being beaten, terrorized and intimidated, all behind closed doors, all undoubtedly feeling very alone.See what I mean? If you define DV to include imagined slights, shouts and minor pushes and shoves, then yes, 2 million women may indeed be victims. But if you define it as being "beaten, terrorized and intimidated," the number is a small fraction of that. Indeed, the Scottish study I've referred to frequently found that there was no injury at all or only a minor cut or bruise in 80% of domestic violence incidents, i.e. far from "battering." Dr. Phil, like so many in the DV establishment, wants to define the term as he wishes when he wishes. He wants to have it both ways. Reading what McGraw said to the committee, the untutored might actually believe he meant it. How's this for a clarion call?
And so I pledge to you today our campaign to End the Silence on Domestic Violence is just beginning. With legislation like VAWA we can turn obstacles into stepping-stones. I will continue to use the Dr. Phil platform to raise awareness and educate the public. We will advocate for victims of violence and partner with others, from the roadhouse to the Whitehouse until we can at last, lay down our swords.Stirring stuff, no? Well, it would be if he had any intention at all of "educating the public" or "advocating for victims of violence." But, based on his previous behavior and his testimony to the committee, he has no such intention. Dr. Phil will no more educate the public about male victims like Catherine Kieu's husband than the man in the moon. He has no intention of advocating for men. To him, male victims of violence at the hands of their intimate partners are just so much collateral damage in a war declared long ago - a war in which Dr. Phil is a high-ranking officer, a war on the truth, a war on male victims of female violence. Phillip McGraw talks about ending the silence, but he himself silences every male victim of domestic violence. It's how the DV establishment likes male victims - voiceless. He added,
I long ago resolved to never speak unless I could add something to the silence.Would that it were true.
Of particular importance to the Court were documents which Mullen signed which named Hobbs as the child"s guardian and gave Hobbs a durable power-of-attorney and a health-care power of attorney, granting her the ability to make school, health, and other decisions for the child.But about two years after the child's birth, Mullen and Hobbs broke up. Hobbs immediately petitioned a trial court for joint custody of the child. She was denied there, denied at the appellate level and denied once again by the Ohio Supreme Court. Meanwhile, Liming has moved from Georgia to Ohio to be near his child. He's taking an active role in its care. Whether he or Mullen is paying child support, the article doesn't say. (Just for the record, the agreement he signed absolving him of responsibility for the child isn't worth the paper it's written on. Had Mullen gone to court seeking a child support order, that agreement would have been 100% ineffective to prevent her from getting one. The same will be true if she ever does in the future.) The court's reasoning in the case echoes what many fathers have experienced in family court. I've complained many times about the fact that fathers' parental "rights" are often placed squarely in the hands of mothers. That's of course particularly true when the two aren't married, but can happen as well in married couples. Essentially, a few well-worded misrepresentations by the mother are usually sufficient to either deny altogether or sharply restrict a father's exercise of his parental rights. Simply disappearing from the man's life as soon as she knows she's pregnant is the easiest method. That way, he'll assume she was no longer interested in seeing him and go about his business. Even if he finds out later about his child, he'll find his right to custody all but non-existent. Why? Because he hasn't taken a hands-on approach to childcare. The fact that she intentionally deprived him of any chance at doing so is routinely ignored by courts. Of course if she wants child support at any time in the future, she need only file a petition with the court and - presto! - the money starts flowing from the stunned father. If that happens, his parental rights miraculously spring up from nowhere, again courtesy of the mother. Other methods, such as lying about paternity work almost as well. In the case of adoption, the state usually does the work for her. Putative father registries and other laws designed specifically to facilitate denial of fathers' rights require little or no effort on the mother's part. So it's interesting that, in Michelle Hobbs's case, the Ohio court placed particular emphasis on the fact that the child's mother, Kelly Mullen, retained the right to revoke those powers of attorney at any time. She also refused to enter into a shared custody arrangement that's permitted by Ohio state law. In short, the outcome of Hobbs's attempt to continue as a parent to the child depended not on her actions but on Mullen's consent. As with fathers, her rights were placed, not in her own hands but in those of another person altogether - the mother. Try as she might, Michelle Hobbs could do nothing to improve her chances at sharing custody. It was not up to her; it was up to Mullen, and when their relationship soured, their child was left permanently without one of the only two parents he/she had ever known. Why? Because the mother said so. No one in family court has the power that mothers have. Indeed, with one exception, nowhere else in American jurisprudence does one adult control the exercise of valuable rights held by another adult. And that exception is telling. When one adult has been adjudicated to be non compos mentis and in need of a guardian, then another adult is appointed to exercise the other's rights and discharge his/her obligations. The relationship of guardian and ward is the closest thing American law offers to the relationship of mother and father. So now Michelle Hobbs knows a little bit about what it means to be a father in today's United States. She may have paid half of the child's expenses. She may have done all she could as the child's parent; she may have loved it, cuddled it, changed its diapers, bathed it, fed it, sung it to sleep. The child may have smiled every time it saw her. Once it learned to, it may have toddled eagerly to Hobbs for a hug and a kiss. But all of that means nothing in Ohio law. Let Hobbs suffer; let the child suffer. But on no account diminish the power of the mother to control who will act as its parent today, and who will tomorrow. Thanks to Don for the heads-up.
The husband and wife are overtly abusive to each other, verbally and emotionally (I also think physically, though not in front of us). Sometimes they come back from "lunch," and the husband has puffy, black bruises on his face.To that remarkable revelation, Prudence responds... not at all. Reading her response, you'd never guess that the young woman believes - and with apparent justification - that the wife is beating up her husband. It simply didn't register with Prudence that violent crimes are being committed by the woman against the man. Or if it registered, she didn't consider it important enough to comment on. Now, it doesn't take much imagination to figure out what Prudence likely would have replied if it had been the woman coming back from lunch bruised. My guess is that it would have made up the bulk of her response. She'd likely have tossed off a few false figures about the prevalence of DV against women and advised the young woman to report the man, albeit carefully so as to not jeopardize her job. But when it's a man getting hit, it's no big deal; actually, it's no deal at all. Better to just ignore it and hope everyone else does too. It's been the modus operandi of the DV establishment from the beginning. Second up is this very strange case (Associated Press, 7/13/11). Last year, Michele Kalina of Reading, Pennsylvania, was arrested for killing five newborn children - hers. It seems that she had become pregnant five separate times and kept them all secret from her husband and her boyfriend who is the father of at least three of the children. She then carried each of the children to term, gave birth (where, no one seems to know), killed the children and stored their remains in a locked closet. Her 19-year-old daughter got into the closet somehow and found the remains. Since her arrest, she's been evaluated for mental competence and has just been found to be capable of standing trial. But that won't happen. She'll plead guilty in August, although to what remains unclear.
The home-health aide is charged with one count each of criminal homicide and aggravated assault, and multiple counts of abuse of a corpse and concealing the death of a child.
DNA tests show she conceived most, if not all, of the babies through a long affair with a co-worker. Neither he nor Kalina's husband knew about the pregnancies.
Kalina moved the remains with her and kept them in a locked closet until her teen daughter found them in the family's high-rise apartment last year and called police, authorities say.It's a case that has perplexed the police and indeed seems hard to explain. Exactly why a woman with many contraceptive alternatives and the choice of abortion would become pregnant five times, give birth and then kill the newborns is a mystery.
Despite the unusual nature of the Kalina case, Dr. Peggy Bowen-Hartung of Alvernia University does have a theory.
"She meets the definition of a serial killer," said Bowen-Hartung, who specializes in forensic psychology and is chairwoman of psychology and counseling at Alvernia.
"It's not uncommon for a serial killer to keep them as trophies as remembrance," she said of remains. "The babies were so young. She did not allow maternal attachments. This is a really weird case."Bowen-Hartung likened Kalina to a New York woman who is in prison for the murder of one newborn but apparently killed six others. Meanwhile there's the father of the children, Kalina's boyfriend.
She also had a sixth secret pregnancy that culminated with the 2003 birth in a Reading hospital of a baby girl that she gave up for adoption. That child was also conceived with the boyfriend, DNA tests show.
A prosecutor described him last year as "overwhelmed and shocked" by news of the pregnancies.I'll be interested to see what her punishment is. If it's anything less than life in prison, I'll be amazed; she's mentally competent, after all. One thing her case highlights is the ease with which she concealed her pregnancies. Although there's nothing to indicate that she did so strictly for the sake of denying paternal rights to her boyfriend, she certainly accomplished exactly that, not only by the killings but by the earlier adoption. Notice that in that case, the adoption was finalized without anyone contacting either her husband or her boyfriend. The child was presumptively her husband's, but the court that waved its wand over the adoption apparently did nothing to let him know that "his" child was going to other parents. They do have records on marriages in Pennsylvania, you know. Did no one check? Did no one go to her home to see if there was a husband around? The point being that, when it comes to adoption, courts aren't very interested in knowing whether there's a dad or not. Everything goes much more smoothly when he's out of sight and out of mind. (Didn't I just say something very much like that about male victims of domestic violence? Yes, I believe I did.) The larger issue is the ease of concealing her pregnancies. One of the easiest ways by which mothers deny paternal rights to fathers is by keeping pregnancy secret. That can be done in all sorts of ways, and when it is, fathers, particularly single fathers, will have a hard time asserting their rights even if they do find out later. Michele Kalina showed just how easy that is.
"My kids had one of the two people they love most in the world pushed to the margins of their lives. I have the lives of other people"s children in my hands on a daily basis--why is it I"m not allowed to equally care for my own?"Giuliani is the 5th presidential (or likely presidential) candidate who has come out in favor of family court reform via Fathers and Families' Election 2012 Campaign. These include:
"Anything I could do on the federal level I would do, as president, to address [this] real inequality. I recognize it, having been Governor of New Mexico. It's a huge issue...the courts rule...usually [if not] always against the fathers...[in these rulings, fathers rights'] are obliterated, they're nonexistent. I recognize that...I'm open to ideas [on fixing it]."
[O]ne of the most significant determining factors of how children are going to do in school and more broadly in life is the degree of involvement and engagement of their parents in their lives. We want to encourage that to the fullest extent possible. And so the laws...as they relate to the relative balance between custodial and non-custodial [should reflect] that we want both parents engaged and productive...in their children"s lives.
I totally agree with your assessment on the need for children to be able to bond and interact with their parents. When they"re there, they do better. And when they are estranged, they do worse. There is something about a parent figure that is so critically important and indispensable in the lives of families.
I"m somewhat familiar with some cases that have played out in Utah where fathers in particular were estranged from their children. Unfortunately, caught up in the legal system, caught up in bureaucracy, we did what we could do. But I understand where you are coming from and if you have any specific solutions on how we ought to be looking at this issue, I"d love to hear them.
1) If you are in New England and can volunteer to make appearances at campaign stops and townhalls, please fill out our volunteer form here and type "Fathers and Families' Election 2012 Campaign" at the beginning of the "How I Can Help" section. 2) We understand that many of you can"t participate due to geography or other limitations. We still want you to fill out our volunteer form here and participate by:We Are Non-Partisan Fathers and Families is resolutely non-partisan and has and continues to work successfully with legislators on both sides of the aisle on legislation to promote family court reform. Our primary goal is to protect the loving bonds children share with both parents after divorce or separation, and we're happy to work with any legislators or political figures who share this goal. During the Fathers and Families Election Campaign 2012 we will be intervening at both Republican and Democratic events. However, there are many more Republican events than Democratic events because the Republican primary will be hotly contested, whereas the Democrats have an incumbent running.
- Helping us organize by making phone calls and doing web research.
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Although evidence of the importance of father–child relationships has been well documented over the last three decades (see Lewis & Lamb, 2003), intervention studies have largely failed to include fathers as a major component of intervention models and related research... [T[he bulk of early intervention services remains primarily directed toward mothers.So, since fathers have been largely ignored in literature on family intervention, it's no surprise that the best ways of including fathers in intervention programs is unknown.
This lack of information on fathers in families considered at risk for child abuse makes adequate targeting of fathers in interventions difficult, if not impossible.The authors summarize some of the research on fathers to date, and it strongly indicts the notion that single-motherhood is "just another lifestyle choice." That's true for even the poorest and least educated single fathers.
Despite variation in the methods used, the literature suggests that many fathers are involved and that positive father involvement is associated with benefits to child development and well-being (see Lewis & Lamb, 2003).But father-involvement with children is often not up to the dads, but to the mothers.
Research also indicates that father-related family dynamics can both influence father involvement and reflect father contributions to infant development indirectly through the mother. Mothers appear to act as gatekeepers, either supporting or thwarting father involvement in intact as well as nonintact families (McBride et al., 2005), with maternal encouragement predicting parent-reported father involvement.Given all that, you might have thought that programs that intervene in families to try to build healthier relationships and parenting would have, if not focused on fathers, at least included them. But you'd have been wrong.
Although fathers have not historically been included as major factors in intervention programs and related research, a recent meta-analysis indicated that father inclusion in parenting training was associated with positive child outcomes...That's true of the Healthy Families Arizona program as well.
The literature on Healthy Families America points to the parent–child relationship as a target for intervention services. However, the primary focus of those services has traditionally been on the mother–child dyad and maternal parental functioning (DuMont et al., 2008).Stated another way, HFAz and its larger incarnation, Healthy Families America, have been around for decades trying to create healthier parenting. But they're just now getting around to considering fathers as part of that effort. So the authors studied fathers in low-income, at-risk families. To be considered "at risk," families have to answer survey questions about various topics such as parent trauma experienced as a child, mental health problems, substance abuse, criminal history, past child abuse, etc. If a family scored high enough on the survey, they were qualified for admission to HFAz. The families studied were poorer than most, and, being from Arizona, predominantly Hispanic. Interestingly, almost exclusively mothers were interviewed. Fathers were too if they happened to be present when the interviewer was at the family's home, but there is no documentation of how many fathers participated. Only 15% of the mothers were married, but 47.2% lived with the father. Yet another 29.4% said the father had at least some contact with the child. So in all, about 77% of the fathers had at least some contact with their children. Comparing families in which fathers had contact with their kids to those in which the fathers didn't, revealed several benefits associated with father involvement. Mothers were less likely to be involved with Child Protective Services and more likely to have sought pre-natal care. Mothers were less likely to be depressed and their families were financially better off. In fact, the greater the father-involvement, the greater the family income. So the researchers did further analysis controlling for income levels and found that father involvement still correlated highly with less maternal involvement with CPS. Likewise, a resident father was significantly correlated with better maternal mental health, specifically lower depression. Involved fathers tend to lessen a mother's chance of being a victim of domestic violence.
Specifically, mothers were more likely to report that they were physically abused by a partner if the father was not involved shortly after the baby"s birth (M = 3.81) compared to mothers in families with either involved nonresident fathers (M = 1.35, p = .02, d = 1.12) or resident fathers.Of course all this is simply correlating father involvement with better maternal and child outcomes. It says nothing about causality. It could be argued that those fathers who are involved with their children tend to be better fathers than those who aren't. Therefore intervening in families to involve hitherto uninvolved fathers wouldn't benefit mothers or children. But the dynamics of how fathers come to be involved or uninvolved in their children's care strongly suggest the opposite. Studies on maternal gatekeeping as well as those describing "parenting as a package deal" in which the mother and child make up the "package" (or "dyad") strongly suggest that greater efforts should be made to involve more fathers in their children's lives. The authors conclude
The current research identified several indicators of maternal and family well-being that were positively related to the level of father involvement. Thus, child and family functioning could be influenced indirectly through father-related family dynamics as well as through the contributions fathers make as parents.Once again, research shows the beneficial effects of involving fathers in the lives of their children. It's something the academy has known for decades now. Are state legislatures listening?
According to child psychologist Dr David Fassler, a clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of Vermont, this horrific experience contained a perfect storm of factors that lead to Kaitlyn's lasting trauma.
"Direct exposure to violent and confusing events involving people you know will typically have a more significant and lasting effect than a distant event involving strangers or acquaintances," he said.
"Kids also tend to react more to incidents which threaten the stability and predictability of their lives and immediate families," he says. "Kids who've had such experiences often require comprehensive and ongoing treatment to help them cope and go on with their lives."That's easy to understand. What's also easy to understand is that Timko has no job, no assets and skyrocketing medical costs. Being the defendant in a lawsuit, particularly one by his ex suing on behalf of his daughter, can't improve matters much for him. That's even more true given the fact that, from where I stand, the case looks to be one of dubious merit. In civil law there's a concept called "intervening causation." Without being too tedious, that means that a defendant can't be held liable for the wrongful act of someone else even though the defendant also acted negligently. The question is whether the defendant reasonably could have anticipated that the third party would act the way he/she did. So, was it reasonable for Timko to expect to be shot by someone he flipped off? A jury will decide that, but it looks like a stretcher to me. Whatever the case, the article linked to makes this case look like nothing but a fight over money. Timko has an insurance policy and indeed, Hardwerk has also sued Squillaciotti's wife who was in the car with him at the time of the shooting. She's also considering whether to sue the state agency that gave Squllaciotti a gun permit. But there seems to be something else going on that may be more important than anything else in the case. Although the plaintiff's attorney is at pains to deny it (me thinks he protests too much), the very act of filing a suit against someone is hostile in nature. It comes from bad feelings and breeds bad feelings. My thought is that Lori Hardwerk is doing her daughter more harm than good. What the girl feels now and what she'll feel in the future about bringing a civil suit against the man who's been her loving father all his life remains to be seen. Add to that the fact that she's clearly "kicking him when he's down" seems to me to hold the possibility of producing extreme guilt in her if not now then later. It turns out I'm not the only one.
Kaitlyn and her father have handled the situation by simply not discussing the case, Hardwerk said, but Fassler cautioned that if the suit does create further friction between Kaitlyn's parents there's a danger it may still be counterproductive for Kaitlyn herself.
"Ongoing conflict between parents, with or without legal involvement, puts kids at increased risk of emotional and behavioral problems, Fassler said. "In general, the sooner things get resolved, the better, for everyone involved."I guess Lori Hardwerk didn't think of that. She seems not to have thought of "stand by your man" either, even though he's stood by her all these years. And in the end, the one to suffer, in addition to Thomas Timko, will be his daughter who is currently too young to appreciate exactly what her mother is doing.
He testified last week that as the allegations accumulated, questioning by detectives went from hour-long talks to two- to three-hour interrogations.Harrowing as that must have been, the police were the least of his worries.
The false reports also affected his job.
In 2006, sometime after his company's human resources department was notified of a court subpoena for child sexual assault, Ginyard was let go from his job at the bank, he testified. He was not able to find work with a bank until January of this year, he said.I'd like to know just what "his company's human resources department was notified of a court subpoena for child sexual assault" means. That is, I'd like to know who did the notifying. Whatever the case, he lost his job due to the false allegations in 2006 and didn't get another bank job until earlier this year. That's almost five years. It took all that to make the judge in the custody case see the light of day.
In February 2010, after a two-day trial, Circuit Court Judge Paul F. Harris Jr. ruled that the allegations were false and that Ginyard did nothing to his children. Harris reversed the earlier custody decision, giving primary custody to Darryl Ginyard. The girls' mother now gets visitation.
[Ginyard's attorney, Lorraine] Lawrence-Whittaker said the case since has gone to the Court of Special Appeals, which upheld Harris' ruling.That's good news, but the false allegations have had their lasting effects.
Ginyard testified that the years of false allegations damaged his relationship with his daughters. He said he has become withdrawn with the girls and is afraid to do things normal parents do - like hug or snuggle with his children while watching a movie.
"I don't let them stay in my room a lot," he said. "I have to distance myself from them, no matter how much I care about them, because of the way things have transpired.
"… I don't want to put myself into a position like that at all."Given the malicious and hurtful nature of what Amani Ginyard did in her campaign to deny Darryl access to his children and they access to him, he sued her. Last week a jury awarded him $852,000 in actual and punitive damages. There's no word on whether Ginyard ever expects to see a dime of the money he's been awarded. Likewise there's no word on whether Amani Ginyard, as the non-custodial parent, pays child support. Still, a win's a win in anyone's book. The larger issue is the ease with which false allegations are made, their devastating consequences and the relative indifference of courts to their falsity. After six years of abuse by his ex using the police and courts as her cat's paw, Darryl Ginyard got custody of his kids and a sizeable verdict. But other dads aren't so lucky. Other dads see their children taken from them by the same or similar tactics and are unable to prove their innocence sufficiently to either reverse the ruling of the family court or successfully sue the wrongdoer. As but one example of many, Jeffrey Ruggiero is still fighting to get his daughter back even though his ex-wife is doing 14 years behind bars for her multiple false allegations against him. The lessons are simple. Until police and courts start taking a balanced approach to allegations of abuse, this will continue to happen. It beggars belief that a judge ruling in a custody case wouldn't, after the second false allegation, begin to see a pattern. But in this case it took eight - eight! And as long as mothers pay no price for false allegations, they'll continue to make them. After all, Amani Ginyard's worked. For years they did exactly what she wanted them to do - keep the children from their father. It all went wrong for her in the end, but in another case, they might have continued working indefinitely. Once courts stop believing the myth that fathers are uniquely dangerous to their children, they'll start transferring custody when the first allegation turns out to be false. And that will put a stop to this nonsense as nothing else will. But until that day, expect more of the same. Thanks to Ned for the heads-up.
Child custody and support laws have become more onerous over the last 50 years due to fewer parents staying together and women becoming equally as capable as men at earning a living outside the home. Instead of reflecting these changes, the laws have lagged behind, continuing to favor mothers over fathers. The laws generally award primary custody to the parent who spent more time at home with the children and less time working, even if the difference was miniscule. The other parent is then ordered to pay a crushing amount of child support, sometimes on top of alimony. In a small percentage of situations, usually where the father was the primary caregiver, this situation is reversed and the laws punish the mother.I'm glad she didn't frame this as a debate about fathers versus mothers. It's not and it never has been. The debate is about parents versus family courts. The fact that mothers get the short end of the stick in custody cases far less often than do fathers, doesn't mean it can't happen. And the complaints that fathers have very much reflect those of mothers who end up as non-custodial parents. It's no accident that many "fathers rights" advocates are mothers who've gotten a view of the custody/visitation/child support scene from the other side. Alexander's also right in pointing out that society has changed a lot faster than have courts and laws on child custody. The entire concept of custodial and non-custodial parents is an artifact of bygone days. Those were the days when few people got divorced, so there wasn't much science on the effects of divorce on children. Nor was there much on the benefits of fathers to children. Now there is a lot of both, but laws haven't much changed. Likewise, mother as default caregiver harks back to days when many more mothers than now didn't do paid work and dads shouldered the task of earning for their families. Again, it's different now. The workplace has opened up for women and so has the system of higher education. So women can earn as much or more than men, even though on average they don't. And yet state laws on divorce and custody are loathe to acknowledge what has been common knowledge for decades. Alexander gets that.
Although a few small changes have been made to the laws within the last few years, due to exposure and the efforts of advocacy organizations, there has not been significant progress. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 84 percent of custodial parents are mothers, a figure that has not changed since 1983. This is unfortunate, because Canadian economist Paul Miller analyzed data on families and found that "parental gender is not a…predictor at all of any of the child outcomes examined, that is behavioral, educational or health outcomes.'Alexander looks favorably on equal parenting and understands that it holds the promise of fixing much that's broken in family courts.
The latest effort to change the system calls for "shared parenting.' Although advocacy groups differ on how shared parenting would be implemented, it generally consists of making the default custody arrangement 50/50 joint physical and legal custody when parents split up, absent egregious circumstances. This would replace the current system which leaves it up to a judge"s whim to decide what constitutes "the best interests of the child.' Shared parenting bills are being introduced in state legislatures around the country, and several states now have some version of shared parenting. In those states, studies are finding that divorce rates are lower and the children are better adjusted.She also gets it right on child support and temporary restraining orders.
In addition to passing shared parenting laws, there must be tougher requirements for issuing restraining orders and reform of child support laws. 50/50 shared custody should not include child support unless there are egregious circumstances. Child support creates an incentive to continue fighting. Neither parent wants to get stuck paying it, and some parents greedily want it as a source of income to use as they please, since there is little monitoring of how it is spent. Eliminate child support in all but the most egregious situations, and most of the fighting clogging our family courts will cease.Mark my words: a tipping point will come in the fight for fathers' rights to their children and children's rights to their fathers. Just when that will be, I can't say. But there is too much on the side of fathers and children for them to be held hostage by outdated and inaccurate views about mothers and families. When that time comes we'll see a cascade of changing state laws that truly seek to keep both parents in the lives of children post-divorce. When that happens, Rachel Alexander will be counted as one who helped tip the balance.
While mom keeps the girls away, dad's loved ones say his health is getting worse.
"Six months ago, he was walking and talking, had head movement, could have expressed himself," Don said. "She's robbed the girls of that right."
Even though he's no longer able to tell them he loves them, Zach desperately wants to see his daughters before it's too late.Nice. Six months ago the guy was functioning at a reasonable level. Now he's not and he never will again. The article doesn't tell us, but it's a certainty that two years ago he was essentially normal. But during all that time, Brantley did the usual things to keep Dad out of his children's lives.
"My husband hasn't seen his daughters in 2 years,' Robert"s wife Katy said.
"I"ve gone with them to try to pick them up and every time it's the same thing, no one's at home or shut the door on us, same thing every time," Robert's brother Don Zach said.Now that Robert is almost totally incapable of movement Brantley, through her attorney, says that it would be too traumatic for the children to see their father in his current condition. Actually, with a little loving preparation from her, the children would probably understand the situation well enough. But what's more to the point is that Robert Zach hasn't been in such bad condition for all of the two years she's denied him his court-ordered visitation. Would the children have been traumatized then? No, but she kept them from him anyway. So where was the family court all that time? After all, two years is a long time even by the standards of the legal system. Why is it that a dying man couldn't get a court to enforce its order of visitation that no one seems to deny was repeatedly violated by the mother? I suppose the short answer is "they don't." That is, as I've said countless times before, the same courts that bring the wrath of God down on the heads of non-custodial parents who fall behind on child support, routinely refuse to sanction custodial parents who deny visitation. In Australia that's actually the decided law, as historian John Hirst has shown. There, family courts frankly use two legal standards - one for child support and the other for visitation. The inherent power to punish for contempt is used against non-payers but not against mothers who interfere with visitation. In the United States, we're not that candid about the matter. Here there's nothing to prevent a court from enforcing its visitation orders, and on rare occasions they do. But what Robert Zach's case shows clearly is that getting a court to do so is hard, time-consuming and expensive. And his case is not just one of parental rights and it's not just one of the welfare of children, although it is both those things. It's also one of urgent need. Robert Zach will not be around for his children much longer. In a few weeks or months, they will not have him to turn to. So the usual dilatory tactics of family courts should have given way to the needs of the moment. But they didn't. Of course it's possible that the court ordered Kelly Brantley time and again to comply with the visitation order. But realistically, what's the judge going to do when she refuses to comply - change custody to a severely disabled man? All that casts a bit of a cloud over the fact that the court has now ordered Brantley to bring the children to Zach's house and to "mend fences." I hope she does. But of course for two years Brantley's been under a court order to permit visitation and she hasn't done so. Why would this one be any different? Why would this order be more effective than any that's gone before? If the past is prelude, Robert Zach can file this latest order in the same place as the previous one and the one before it. But of course he can't do that.
"When I got divorced six years ago my attorney told me I was crazy--she said I should keep sole custody and sole control, and that if I didn't it would cost me money. But my kids love their father...[sharing parenting] was the 'best decision of my life.'"Cain told Gibson "I sympathize and I understand," and said he'd like to have further discussions with F & F, which we're following up on. Cain is the 6th presidential (or likely presidential) candidate who has come out in favor of family court reform via Fathers and Families' Election 2012 Campaign. These include:
- Gary Johnson, a former two-term governor of New Mexico. (Johnson met with F & F Board Chair Ned Holstein, MD, MS in Manchester, NH last week--to learn more about that meeting, click here.)
- Former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani, a 2008 and potential 2012 presidential candidate
- Former House Speaker Newt Gingrich
- Former Minnesota Governor Tim Pawlenty
- Former Utah Governor Jon Huntsman
"We are NOT anti-mother or simply pro-father, we believe all children deserve BOTH parents, unless there are serious issues which prevent one parent from providing a stable, loving environment. An environment where the children are encouraged to love and be loved by both parents.
"We offer a view few judges will ever see. For attorneys, custody evaluators, guardians ad-litem, and judges, a custody case ends with their decision. They make a ruling and walk away with nary a care as to how clients can, and do, go against the orders they have handed down."Anthony admits that the site was somewhat inflammatory for the sake of attracting readers, but claims he's never identified his wife or children by name. He also says he went to great lengths to keep the site secret from his kids. But eventually they found out about it and so did Allison. She went to court to get it taken down and the judge agreed. Predictably, she defends her decision as in the best interests of the children.
"This is about children,' said the judge during a June 14 hearing... The judge characterized the original website as containing "inaccurate and denigrating, belittling comments about mother. It is not just venting that I have read in these pages. It amounts to outright cruelty.'Since the site's been taken down, it's hard to know just what was on it, but the linked-to article's most demeaning quotation has Anthony referring to Allison as "Jaba the Hut but with less personality." Not flattering, but not actionable either. Anthony Morelli and Misty Weaver-Ostinato have appealed the order saying it violates their right to free speech. To be blunt, they're right. Judge Gibbons's assertion of a "best interests of the child" exception to the First Amendment's guarantee of the right of free speech has, as far as I know, no precedent in constitutional law. Respected constitutional scholar Eugene Volokh agrees.
"It"s not limited to libel, it covers all speech about the ex-wife. It"s clearly unconstitutional,' Volokh said.
Gibbons" determination the site was abusive to the children is not sufficient cause to order it taken down, according to Volokh. "That"s not an adequate rationale,' he said.
The courts have ruled even national security is not reason to order a newspaper not to publish, the professor said, citing the example of the publication of the Pentagon Papers, which revealed the nation"s involvement in the Vietnam War.
"It"s one thing to restrict speech to children, but not to the entire public. At least attempt to narrow the limits of speech,' said the professor.
Volokh continued, "I rarely criticize judges, they have a very difficult job,' but, he said, "this is a blatantly unconstitutional exercise of her authority. She"s flouting the U.S. Constitution.'That of course means the order will be overturned by an appellate court whose judges, apparently unlike Gibbons, took Con Law in school. That'll be a good development, and a necessary one for maintaining our free speech rights. But the victory that's sure to come obscures the advent of a less heartening development that likely will as well. At the hearing in June, Judge Gibbons promised this:
"You may say anything that you would like to say. You may publish it. You may put it on a billboard. But you will not have your children, because that is abusive.'Aye, there's the rub. Her order is clearly unconstitutional and will be overturned, but if you thought that was the extent of her power over Anthony Morelli, you were wrong. He and Allison have some form of joint custody and, if he continues to exercise his free-speech rights, he'll find his access to them denied. And again he'll be told that it's in the children's best interests. It's odd how that works. He has some sort of custody now and has for seven years, during which time he's been publishing various items on his website (at least until recently). But if he continues to criticize his wife online, he'll all of a sudden become unfit to parent his kids. That of course is pure bunk. If Gibbons denies him access to his kids because of his criticism of his ex, it'll have nothing to do with child well-being and everything to do with punishing a father for exercising his right of free speech. But would an appellate court agree? I doubt it. Of course if Anthony's words had anything to do with parental alienation of his kids, that would be different. Parental alienation can and should always be grounds for limiting parental contact. But no one has said anything about his aiming his remarks at his children. On the contrary, he bent over backwards to ensure that they wouldn't see the site, even though they eventually did. No, the "take-away" on this is the power of family court judges. The U.S. Constitution contains no 'best interests of children" restriction on the right of free speech, but family court judges can find any facts they wish about parental fitness. And if that includes taking children from a father because the judge doesn't like what he says about the mother, so be it. Also, it's hard to avoid the conclusion that Gibbons's plaint was only partly about what Anthony said about Allison. I'd say the judge is also angry about what he at least implicitly said about her. After all, he's griping about how judges walk away from their custody decisions "with nary a care as to how clients can and do, go against the orders they have handed down." That's a slam at the mother, but it's also a swipe at the court for, I'd be willing to bet, it's failure to enforce his visitation rights. Family courts routinely intone the mantra of "the best interests of the child," while simultaneously doing the opposite. As long as there's no more objective standard than that, we'll continue seeing parents silenced by judges whose power regarding child custody continues largely unchecked. Thanks to Jim for the heads-up.
1) In most states, over 80% of the money collected is for current payments, not past due amounts (arrearages). By and large, the current amounts are being paid without government coercion, so much of the work of the collection agencies is unnecessary.
2) Federal incentives reimburse the states for total child support dollars collected. This incentivizes them to focus on big-money cases. In most such cases, the child is perfectly well taken care of financially. This is because custodial parents who were once married to rich people are usually quite well off themselves, either with their own money or with their divorce settlement, or with re-partnering. It is a waste of taxpayers" money to chase noncustodial parents whose children are financially comfortable, even if those parents are not paying the entire amount that had been ordered. The custodial parent in such cases could pursue this on their own, just as noncustodials must pursue parenting time interference on their own.
3) About 70% of all past-due child support dollars are owed by people who earn poverty level wages. It is a waste of taxpayers" money to chase such people to collect money they simply do not have. It has been repeatedly shown that even when these people are jailed (at great taxpayer expense to apprehend and jail), little money is collected. Why? Because they do not have it.
4) A sizable percentage of all past-due child support would not be paid to the mothers but instead to the general coffers of the state, in order to recoup welfare costs. When non-custodial parents in these cases pay up, the children are not helped. Rather, the general revenue of the state is improved. In cases where the poor noncustodial parent was helping the kids off the books, their situation worsens when the state takes all the money he has for itself, leaving him unable to continue to help his kids. Thus, the taxpayer is being fooled into the belief that he is helping poor kids when he pays for child support enforcement; instead, in these cases, the federal money is simply a hidden subsidy to the state"s general revenues that does not help poor kids, or may even hurt them.Afterward, Holstein said:
Governor Johnson appears to be an energetic and talented person who is a genuine believer in gender equality, shared parenting, and family court reform. He seems absolutely genuine in his interest in the injustices of the family courts. He and his two aides listened carefully and asked perceptive questions.
Shortly thereafter [i.e. their return from the hospital], Alicia learned that there was an outstanding federal warrant for her arrest for conspiracy to deliver methamphetamine. Without notifying Cesar, Alicia fled Lexington and left Jaime with Cesar. Alicia was arrested in Colorado on October 5, 2006, and was later convicted and sentenced to imprisonment in a federal facility in Texas. She was in federal custody until August 2008, when she was released to a halfway house in Omaha, Nebraska, where she lived until she moved into a house in February 2009. After arriving in Omaha, Alicia resumed contact with Cesar and Jaime, who for the last 2 years had been living together in Lexington. The relationship between Cesar and Alicia did not resume.Just so it's clear, when she was released from prison, Alicia stayed in Omaha while Cesar and Jaime, who was then two years old, continued to live in Lexington as before. Omaha is about 200 miles from Lexington.
On June 8, 2009, Cesar filed a complaint in the district court for Dawson County to establish paternity, custody, and child support with respect to Jaime. Cesar asserted that at all times, Jaime had been in his physical care, custody, and control and that they had lived in Lexington Jaime"s entire life. Cesar sought an order declaring him to be Jaime"s father, granting him custody of Jaime, and ordering Alicia to pay child support.So Cesar hauled Alicia into court demanding child support. She answered his suit saying that, well, maybe he was Jaime's dad after all. Alicia demanded a DNA test to determine paternity and also custody of Jaime and an order requiring Cesar to pay child support. Uncontested by Alicia were the facts that
immediately after Jaime"s birth, he asked Alicia whether he was Jaime"s father; that Alicia told Cesar that he was Jaime"s father; and that at no time since, until the present action, had Alicia indicated to Cesar that he was not Jaime"s father. Cesar also alleged that Alicia was unfit to have custody of Jaime for various reasons including, inter alia, her involvement with drugs, her conviction "for one or more federal felonies,' and her abandonment of Jaime.The judge agreed to have genetic testing done to determine paternity and, lo and behold, it turned out that Cesar was not Jaime's biological father. Prior to her answering his lawsuit, Alicia hadn't let on to anyone that paternity was in question. That's the background. On one hand we have a mother who lied to Cesar and presumably the biological father about paternity. She also lied about paternity to the State of Nebraska and the federal Office of Child Support Enforcement. She had enough of a relationship with methamphetamine that the local U.S. Attorney had a warrant out for her arrest. That by itself probably means some sort of interstate transfer of the stuff. She seems to have been a user as well. After living with her son for only a few days or weeks, she skipped town one step ahead of the law. Once caught, she spent two years in prison. By then Jaime was two years old. When she was released from the halfway house, did she fly like the wind to her son's side? No, she stayed in Omaha, 200 miles away. That's mom. By contrast, Dad took care of Jaime every day of the boy's life while Alicia was trying to evade capture by the law and cooling her heels behind bars and later just killing time in Omaha. So to which parent do you think the family court gave custody? Mom of course. It seems that once the DNA test results came back showing no biological relationship between Cesar and Jaime, the family court applied the "parental preference doctrine" which apparently means an automatic preference for a biological parent over a non-biological one. Hmm. At this point, I suppose we should mention the miraculous vanishing "best interests of the child" doctrine. Neither the trial court nor the supreme court referred to that concept, which is odd given the fact that we see it in child custody cases with such numbing frequency. It can't seriously be argued that Alicia was the better parent or that Jaime had any sort of relationship with her or that he didn't see Cesar as the only parent he'd ever known. No, all of those are repeated time and again in cases in which the father seeks custody after some period of absence. And time and again they're used to deny or limit his parental rights. Here? They go unmentioned. Funny how that works.
The court found that Cesar failed to establish that Alicia was unfit to parent Jaime or that she had forfeited her parental rights by substantial, continuous, and repeated neglect of Jaime.So, yes Mom's a felon, yes she'd spent essentially all of the child's life somewhere else and yes, even when she finally had the opportunity to move out of Omaha to where he lived, she opted not to. None of that suggested unfitness to the trial court. More to the point, none of it constituted "substantial, repeated and continuous neglect of Jaime." One wonders what a mother would have to do to meet that standard. What one need not wonder is whether the trial court would have reached the same result if the sexes had been reversed. I think we can be confident of the answer. A dad who's a drug pusher, who ran out of his child's life almost from the moment he was born, spent the first two years of the boy's life in prison and, when he finally had the opportunity to get back in his son's life, didn't take it, wouldn't get the time of day from a family judge, much less custody. One last thing. Remember that the trial court hung its hat on the "parental preference doctrine" under which nature trumps nurture? Well, remember as well that, although Cesar C. isn't him, there is a biological father somewhere, who can likely be identified. So I wonder, if he showed up out of nowhere and demanded his parental rights, would the preference for biolgical parents apply to him? Given that such a preference exists in Nebraska law, why has no one attempted to give him notice of the proceedings and bring him into court? It's tough being a dad. Fathers are excoriated every day for not being responsible, but let one be loving, caring and responsible in ways Mom never got close to and guess what happens. Thanks to Jim for the heads-up.
In In re Paternity of H.H., 879 N.E.2d 1175, 1178 (Ind. App. 2008), the Indiana Court of Appeals concluded that "once a mother has signed a paternity affidavit, she may not use the paternity statutes to deprive the legal father of his rights, even if he is not the biological father.' The court reasoned that "a woman always has the information necessary to question paternity prior to signing the affidavit. A man, however, could easily sign an affidavit without awareness of the questionable nature of his paternity.' Id. The court noted that the legal father was "the only father [the child] has ever known . . . was there when she was born, [and] has provided for her financially and emotionally since her birth,' and the court concluded that "[c]hanging his legal status at this late date is not in the best interests of' the child, the legal father, or the State.Let's repeat, "a woman always has the information necessary to question paternity prior to signing the affidavit. A man, however, could easily sign an affidavit without awareness of the questionable nature of his paternity.' I've written almost exactly those words many times. The woman knows; the man doesn't. Now all that suggests that if it had been Cesar trying to contest his own acknowledgement of paternity, he could have used the fraud/mistake of fact exception to do so. (The court ruled that Alicia could not because her signature had not been obtained by fraud or mistake, because she knew at the time there was a chance Cesar wasn't the father.) But is that right? In the first place, notice that the Indiana case relied in part on the fact that the child's best interests required that the non-biological dad remain in his/her life. In that case, as in Cesar's, the father wanted to remain part of the child's life, but what if he didn't? What if the mother's dishonesty and infidelity so offended him that he wanted out? He could challenge the acknowledgement, but if the court decided his continuing as dad was in the child's best interests, he'd be stuck. So in that event, the court would be ratifying the mother's deception. It's as if it said, "Yes it's fraud and yes the real biological father will have no chance to raise his own offspring and all because a mother decided it should be so, but that's just the way it goes." And once again a mother would be allowed total control of a biological father's rights, a non-biological father's rights and the rights of a child. It's all done under the banner of "the best interests of the child." Speaking of which, recall that I referred to that concept in my last piece as the "miraculous vanishing best interests of the child doctrine." Now you see it, now you don't. When it came to Cesar's retaining custody of Jaime because he was clearly the better qualified parent, all of a sudden the best interests of the child concept evaporated into thin air. The trial court didn't utter the words. But in the same case, if Cesar were seeking to avoid his "parental" responsibilities to Jaime, chances are a court would have said it's in the best interests of the child for him to stay put. Then the court comes to the concept that every man in family court fears, or should. Quoting this time an Illinois case the Nebraska court referred to "a strong judicial policy favoring the finality and stability of judgments' and found such principles "particularly poignant in the context of parentage determinations that become part of a child"s personal history and sense of self.' In other words, if enough time has passed, particularly when children are concerned, courts simply won't upset existing relationships regardless of parental rights. So if a man in Cesar's situation wanted out, the court may admit that he's not the dad and that his relationship with the child was brought about by fraud, but that's his tough luck. He'll stick around and pay child support for a boy who's not his irrespective of his rights. The best interests of the child require that stability reign. Now once again, that's little more than the ratification by the court of a mothers multiple deceptions. And once again, it's granting mothers complete control over the rights of both potential dads and the child. We see it time and again in family law. The argument is that in fact it would harm the child to upset his/her familial relationships, to remove his "father" from his life and bring in another he doesn't even know. And surely that's correct. No child, particularly a young one could go unaffected by changes like that. Courts and commentators make the point frequently and consider the matter closed. What those people don't want us to notice is that in fact we do exactly that - remove the father from children's lives and bring in a new "dad" they've never met - all the time. And it is indeed an emotionally traumatic process, but we do it every day, hundreds of times a day. It's called divorce. After all, when a married couple have children and choose to divorce, doesn't that effectively remove one parent (usually the father) from their lives, or at least marginalize him? Yes. And doesn't Mom often bring in another man -boyfriend or stepfather - to play the role of dad, a man the children don't know? Yes. And isn't it all emotionally devastating for the children? Yes again. So where are the arguments against divorce that are made routinely against defrauded dads trying to distance themselves from the mothers who lied and manipulated their connections to children not theirs? Interestingly, you never see them made. You never see a state legislature discussing a prohibition of divorce for parents with children under a certain age because the whole thing harms children. No, that argument is only made against fathers seeking to assert some form of control over whom they parent and whom they don't. The Nebraska Supreme Court remanded the case to the trial court to revisit who should have primary custody of Jaime. I'll be I know how that one turns out.
"Incarcerating the person who has primary care of a child will never be in that child's best interest and has the potential to destroy the future relationship between the child and the parent who requested their return," the submission says. "Parental child abduction is a matter for the family law system and should not attract criminal sanctions.""Never be in the child's best interest." Really? That statement seems to miss some important facts about child abduction. For starters, child abduction by anyone, including parents, is a form of child abuse. Responsible research into the issue by psychologists is clear that parental abductors tend to have serious emotional/psychological issues of their own that make their parenting abilities suspect at best. As important is the fact that the child is taken away from his/her support system including the other parent, other relatives, friends, schools and teachers, neighbors, etc. The child therefore comes to rely solely on the abducting parent for all his/her needs. Into the bargain, the pair are often on the run from authorities which entails changing residences often and sometimes identities. We jail parents for child abuse and neglect every day, but for some reason, when it comes to parental child abduction, Community Services thinks that incarceration should not be an option. I found that strange until Community Services' own submission explained it to me.
In a submission to a Senate inquiry into child abductions to and from Australia, community services says it is now mostly mothers who abduct the children -- a dramatic turnaround from 30 years ago when the Hague Convention for bringing children home was signed and the abductors were fathers.I think I understand. Now that I think of it, the objection to jail for parents (mostly mothers) who abduct their children sounds very much like Australia's objection to enforcing visitation against custodial parents (mostly mothers). According to Australian historian John Hirst, family law in that country long ago decided to enforce visitation differently from the way it enforces child support. Child support obligors (mostly fathers) are hounded relentlessly, just as they are in the United States. Family courts use their power of contempt to jail fathers who don't pay. But when it comes to using their power of contempt to enforce visitation orders, those same courts demur. Hirst:
When the Court came to consider breaches of orders by custodial parents (chiefly mothers), it returned to soft-headedness. The typical case was where a mother contrived to deny a father access to his children even though he had court orders allowing access... In considering its response to such breaches, the Court declared that the paramount interests of this particular childmust prevail. Since the Court could scarcely fine or imprison a custodial mother without having some effect on the child, these options were effectively abandoned.Indeed, Hirst goes on to quote one family court judge as saying "I am very slow to attach any sanctions at all to breaches of access orders." You get the picture. Australian family courts are happy to levy the most draconian sanctions against non-custodial parents (about 90% of whom happen to be fathers) who fail to pay, but wrongdoing by custodial parents (about 90% of whom are mothers), gets a pass. And that of course is essentially the same as what Community Services is saying about parental child abductors (who turn out to be mostly mothers). When it comes to punishing them for their abuse of their children, all of a sudden it can't possibly be in the child's best interest to imprison the mother. All but identically to what Hirst said before, the focus is not on the principle of the court's ability to enforce its dictates, it's not on the child's interest in seeing both parents. The paramount importance becomes "this particular child's interest" in a relationship with his/her abductor. And just to make sure the point isn't lost, consider this: the original rulings by family courts in Australia weren't about fathers who didn't pay child support; they were about fathers who abducted their children. In those cases, the courts considered very carefully and specifically the idea that the child needed his/her father - and rejected it! The original case involved a court faced with a father who had abducted his child for four years, depriving the mother of all contact. Finally apprehended, he was brought before the court whose custodial orders he had flouted. What to do? Clearly he had violated the court's orders; clearly the court had the power to punish his contempt. But there was a problem with incarcerating the man.
[W]as the Court now going to damage the boy further by depriving him of his father with whom he got on well?After all, sending the man to prison would surely be a blow to the boy. But the court stood firm; it's orders had to be obeyed. It reasoned that,
If no punishment is imposed, or if lenience is shown, the court's power to protect not only the individual child concerned, but also many other children, may be diminished.Notice that in that case the emphasis was not on the individual child's best interest which clearly weren't served by jailing his father. The court rightly ruled that to do anything but punish the man would open the door to every parent similarly inclined. So it's interesting that, with the submission by Community Services, Australian law seeks to come full circle - from treating parental child abductors harshly so as to make them an example to others, to treating them leniently because the child needs a continuing relationship with them. What's the difference? Abductors used to be fathers; now they're mothers. Community Services makes the same argument today that was made back in the mid-70s - that courts should be lenient with abducting parents because harsh penalties would only make matters worse by driving them further underground. But John Hirst reports that leniency on mothers who ignore visitation orders had the opposite (and entirely predictable) effect. It only encouraged them to violate the orders. After all, if there are no consequences, why not? Hirst again:
Just as the Court had there imagined, leniency had disastrous consequences for children. Since access orders were defied with impunity, thousands of children were kept from their fathers, though the Court had ruled that their best interests required that they see them.So what is Community Services arguing for now? That leniency actually promotes compliance with the law even though that contradicts known facts and common sense. The more things change, the more they stay the same.
"He desperately wants the opportunity to bond with Timber and fears that it will soon be too late if he is not given the chance to spend a substantial period of time with his son," a judge wrote.That was the first time Bartell-Dimm absconded with the child.
When Dimm attempted to pick up Timber in Hastings on Sept. 1, the boy and his mother were gone. Police issued a statewide alert, and a Douglas County sheriff's deputy found Bartell Dimm with her son in Alexandria, Minn., two days later during a traffic stop.
She told the deputy she fled knowing the court order was in effect, according to a police report, and that they had been living out of her car.
Bartell Dimm was not arrested or charged in that incident, said Theresa Gerlach, Dimm's U.S. attorney.Let me stop here to make a point. It's one of the ones I made in my last post about the government agency in Australia that opposes criminal penalties for parents who abduct children. One of the points I made was the obvious one - that leniency only encourages future abductions. So now I offer Bartell-Dimm as Exhibit A. No one punished her first abduction in any way, so, when the judge next ordered Danny to have four months of access to Timber, what do you think Bartell-Dimm did. That's right, she abducted the boy. Danny Dimm last saw his boy via Skype on June 5th. He was anticipating his first long-term access to him in years and, three days later, flew to the Minneapolis-St. Paul area to get started. Mom and child were gone, and this time without a trace. It's been seven weeks and police don't have a clue. There are no credit card charges to follow and no one admits to having seen the two. And that means, according to police, that she's getting help from someone.
"There are no credit cards, no trace of them at all," Hastings Police Chief Paul Schnell said. And as the days pass, those looking for Timber are becoming increasingly concerned about him.
"I worry about his safety," Schnell said...
"I'm confident that she knows we're looking for her," Schnell said, adding that investigators suspect Bartell Dimm might be getting help.
"She has no resources. So she is either roughing it - like camping - or being supported or assisted by someone."It's been seven weeks, so I think we can safely conclude that the two aren't camping. That means she's getting help, and one person thinks he knows who that might be. Ed Wunsch is a private investigator who runs a non-profit specializing in the return of children abducted by parents. He's seen cases before in which mothers hid out in domestic violence shelters which typically don't ask too many questions about who the women are who come to them, or why. And given the fact that there's literally no trace of Bartell-Dimm and Timber, Wunsch's hunch comes to seem more and more likely. Wunsch also gets something that the Australian agency Community Services doesn't.
Ed Wunsch, a Hopkins-based private investigator who specializes in abductions by parents, said the cases are often not taken seriously enough by the public and law enforcement.
"A lot of people think, 'Well, it's just a parent, so how bad can it be?' " he said.
Since 2003, Wunsch and his nonprofit agency have found more than 30 children, one as far away as Bermuda.
"No matter what the situation is, there's always psychological problems with the kids when they return," he said.
Often the motive for parents who abscond is to get revenge on either the left-behind parent or the legal system, Wunsch said.
"They think they are hurting the other parent, when in fact they are hurting the child," he said.He puts in a nutshell what Dr. Nancy Faulkner and others have written extensively about - that parental child abduction is child abuse. Children don't come out of it unscathed. That's particularly true of Timber who has been diagnosed with mild-to-moderate autism. Even before her abduction of him, Bartell-Dimm likely exacerbated Timber's condition by rarely letting him play outside or associate with other children. By contrast, when Danny had the boy, his condition seemed to be improving.
For the next three months, Timber stayed with Dimm and his sister, a registered nurse and a holistic dietary consultant. They cut sugar from his diet - Timber had 12 caps on his teeth by age 4 - and enrolled him in a preschool. He was encouraged to play outdoors and have social interaction with kids his age, Dimm said.
"It was great. ...You could see the lights coming on in his eyes," he said. "Every day there were huge differences. The highlight of his day was riding the school bus; he just loved it."Maybe Australia's Community Services should read the case of Timber and his parents, and explain again how criminal penalties aren't appropriate for Wendi Lee Bartell-Dimm.
Anyone with information as to the whereabouts of Timber Dimm and/or his mother, Wendi Bartell Dimm, is asked to call Hastings police at 651-480-2300, 911, or 1-800-THE-LOST.
Most people viewed the incident with horror, but not so the five hosts on the CBS daytime show The Talk. From the instant host Julie Chen introduced the topic of Becker"s alleged attack on her husband, both panel and audience were laughing and applauding.Host Sharon Osbourne called the man"s sexual mutilation "quite fabulous' and "hysterical.' Other panelists avidly joined the hilarity. One frankly said that sexually mutilating a man was appropriate in some situations. For decades now we"ve been told 'There"s no excuse for domestic violence.' Yet, as the panelists on The Talk again make clear, women"s violence against men is routinely excused by popular culture. It"s also overlooked by police, courts, and the news media. To listen to the audio of Franklin's interview, click here.
Jens Breivik says he does not "feel like his father'. Oh really? I wonder whether he felt like Anders" father when he abandoned both him and his mother to marry another woman? I wonder whether he thought about his son"s peace of mind when he thought it best to move to Paris and then put his son through the ordeal of a custody battle where he and his new wife fought to take him from his mother and half-sister (his mother had a daughter when she married his father) and his homeland, in order to attempt to raise him in Paris?Let's see, Dad and Mom divorced when Anders was a year old. Birbalsingh knows to an absolute certainty that the divorce was Dad's fault. Mom played no part in it. How does she know? She doesn't let on and of course anyone at all conversant with the reasons for the breakups of relationships knows that there's rarely one innocent party and one at fault. But Birbalsingh's having none of the murky stuff called subtlety or nuance. For her something that happened between two people thirty years ago - something about which she has no knowledge - is all about good and evil. And guess who's good and who's evil according to her. Like so many in the anti-dad crowd, she's happy to substitute a made-up narrative of the callous father and the victimized mother and son. (He abandoned them!) She has no facts - or desires none - so mythology is a handy stand-in. Notice too that, in her book, papa Jens Breivik, can't win regardless of what he does. Birbalsingh excoriates him for "abandoning" his son and former wife, but when he tried to get some form of custody of the lad, that's wrong too. She doesn't notice that Jens tried to get custody of his son or at least some form of access to him and apparently failed. Birbalsingh never wonders why. We don't know, but it's possible that the mother of Anders Breivik kept father and son apart. When Jens figured it out, he left and relied on the courts to give him what Mom would not. It's speculation on my part, of course, because no one knows what happened between the two - no one that is except her and Jens. And typical of pretty much all attacks on fathers, we never hear his side of the story. He's alive and well, and doubtless has something to say, but as usual, the anti-dad crowd don't want to hear it. In fact, they don't want anyone to hear it, so Birbalsingh sticks to character assassination instead. In an unusually lucid moment, Birbalsingh remembers that millions of parents divorce every year and their kids don't all grow up to be mass murderers. But alas, the moment doesn't last. One sentence later, she's back to her theme - that Jens Breivik bears a heavy load of guilt for his son's wrongdoing.
But his father is deeply confused. "How could he just stand there and kill so many innocent people and just seem to think that what he did was OK?' Well maybe he didn"t have a father when he was growing up to teach him the difference between right and wrong.But wait; isn't she missing something? Let's put aside the quaint notion that parents only control their children's actions as adults to a very limited degree, if at all. And let's also put aside the fact that Birbalsingh has literally no evidence that his fathers' actions had anything to do with his son's. Now, let's look at what Birbalsingh neglected to mention. Anders Breivik lived with his mother all his life. If anyone were to have taught him right and wrong, she'd have been the one. We don't like to blame parents for their children's deeds, and we sympathize with this mother's grief. However, it certainly is strange for Birbalsingh to blame the father for Anders Breivik's awful deeds, completely ignoring the possible shortcoming of the person who raised him, his mother. As speculative, slapdash, fact-free and illogical as all that is, it actually gets worse. Go to the article and at the top you'll notice a link to Birbalsingh's website. Click on it. There you'll see a tab entitled "Conservative Conference Speech;" click on that and then on the video of her speech to the aforesaid conference. Gaze in wonder as Katharine Birbalsingh explains to the assembled multitude the value of taking responsibility for one's actions! She's a teacher, you see, and she tells a story about two little boys who, when in trouble for some infraction, seek to pass the buck, as children often do. Ah, but Birbalsingh is there to correct them. She lets them know the necessity of taking personal responsibility for their own wrongdoing. Fortunately, the youngsters are too young to read her Telegraph article that delivers the opposite message, which is "if you do something wrong, you can always blame dad." But I have to say that even that hefty measure of hypocrisy isn't the last of Birbalsingh's unwholesome mess. To all of the other shortcomings of her piece, we must add a shocking lack of empathy. Jens Breivik's son has just committed what must be the greatest single atrocity in Norway in recent history. When things like this happen, everyone of any sensitivity wonders "how could someone do such a thing?" But when it's your own son, imagine the horror; imagine the incomprehension; imagine the pain. Birbalsingh doesn't. She displays not the faintest trace of empathy for Jens Breivik. In his hour of darkness, at his time of greatest vulnerability, she attacks. Never mind her ignorance, never mind her illogic, never mind her hypocrisy. It is Katharine Birbalsingh's willingness to kick the man when he's down that renders her article, not merely bad, but disgraceful. Fatherhood advocates are used to the lies, misrepresentations and antipathy for science of the anti-dad crowd. We're used to fathers being attacked for any or no reason. We're used to seeing mothers being held up as paragons of virtue even when they're anything but. Given all that, it must be said that Katharine Birbalsingh has hit an all-new low. To attempt to tag an innocent man as an accomplice to mass murder just when he's grappling with the most harrowing event in his life is beneath contempt. "At long last, have you no shame?"
Earlier this month, Catherine Becker, 48, allegedly drugged her estranged husband and tied him to a bed. As he awoke, police said, she took a 10-inch knife to his penis, severed the appendage and tossed it into a garbage disposal.
Bail has been set at $1 million as Becker awaits arraignment on multiple felony charges.
Given the timing and the particularly gruesome nature of the attack, one would have expected that a recent Senate Judiciary Committee hearing on the Violence Against Women Act would have featured heart-rending discussions about how similar incidents of gender-motivated violence could be avoided in the future.
But the Becker case was not deemed worthy of mention...
Many studies suggest female-on-male violence has become equal to, or even more prevalent than, the male-initiated variety. Recently, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that 10 percent of high school girls had hit, slapped or physically hurt their boyfriends in the previous year. In comparison, only 9 percent of boys had been physically aggressive to their female partners.The name should be changed, but far more importantly, VAWA funding must be changed to reflect gender-neutral policies. As things stand now, essentially all VAWA resources are directed at female victims and male perpetrators. As everyone who follows the politics around domestic violence knows, there are some 1,500 shelters for women and not one for men in the entire country. Hewing closely to the narrative of the DV establishment for which there are no male victims and no female perpetrators, VAWA does essentially nothing for either. Given that reauthorization is likely to carry a price tag of about $550 million, you'd think that there would be funding for treatment for women who can't control their anger and lash out at husbands, boyfriends and children. But there won't be. And speaking of money, there's little information about how VAWA funds are spent and if programs are effective at combatting domestic violence.
Citing a probe by the Department of Justice inspector general that unearthed shoddy accounting practices at 21 of 22 VAWA grantees, Grassley commented tartly: "Simply put, in today"s economic environment, we cannot tolerate this level of malfeasance in federal grant programs.'In addition, according to the Office of Management and Budget, VAWA grantees have never promulgated any criteria by which they can be judged. Stated another way, we don't know much about what they're doing or whether it works. And we don't know how they're spending our money. Given that lack of government oversight of VAWA funds, if the system isn't rife with incompetence and corruption, it's the first in history. Standards, regular reporting and oversight are necessary when the government funds anything, but so far the DV establishment has gotten a pass on all that. Still on the subject of money, if we defined "domestic violence" in a sensible way, we'd be able to do a lot more with what we spend. The simple fact is that much of what we call domestic violence is completely non-injurious. One government study found that 61% of women and 75% of men said they'd received no injury in the incident inquired about. Other data show that, even when there's an injury, it's usually a minor one, like a small cut or bruise. That's the type of domestic violence that the vast majority of couples sort out on their own, as they should. We don't need to spend taxpayer money on incidents of that sort. What we should spend money on is addressing what's come to be called "intimate terrorism," in which serious injury is done for the purpose of controlling the behavior of the other person. So VAWA as well as state laws, and the practices of police and prosecutors should be tailored to stop intimate terrorism via treatment and jail time where warranted. That'll mean narrowing the definition of domestic violence in VAWA in order to deal with truly dangerous situations and not with those that aren't. Coincidentally, narrowing the definition of DV in VAWA is just what Texas Congressman Ted Poe endorsed shortly after the Judiciary Committee hearings. Then there's the problem of false accusations of DV by aliens applying for residency. That program is riddled with corruption as the Roll Call article says.
Much of the problem arises because the Citizenship and Immigration Services deems a person accused of domestic violence to be a "prohibited source.' So the CIS, in Kafka-esque manner, refuses to accept any documentation that might reveal the immigrant to be a criminal, welfare cheat or perjurer.It's that old "guilty until proven innocent" problem again. If your wife tells the CIS you're an abuser, you can't produce evidence to the contrary because any information coming from you is "prohibited." It's an open invitation to fraud. Those are scarcely the only problems with VAWA or our approach to domestic violence generally. We started by conceiving of the problem in ideological terms. That political ideology ignored the science on DV and predictably got it wrong on what DV is, who does it, why, and how to fix it. We've been marching in lockstep ever since toward a future that contains much more funding, but little improvement in our DV statistics. With any luck, the worm is starting to turn. We may be reaching a tipping point at which tight budgets, the science on DV and popular discontent with our current approach combine to move us toward dealing effectively and fairly with a problem with which we've so far done neither.