I am a step mom to 3 good kids. My husband's experience with family court has not been half as frustrating as some others have been. Especially after reading some of these other stories we have it fairly decent.
My husband's ex-wife filed for divorce stating irreconcilable differences. In reality she wanted to leave him for someone else with whom she had been having an extra-marital relationship with for some time.
In the beginning of the divorce he had joint legal and joint physical custody of the children. In the final divorce judgement he was given visitation with sole legal and sole physical custody going to the cheating mother. He does not know why it was changed.
My husband didn't want the divorce, he wanted to work things out and stay together as a family. She just didn't want to and she had her reasons, whatever they were. As a female and having gone through my own personal relationship experiences both good and bad I can understand if she was just done with it all and wanted to move on. I just wish my husband would've had the presence of mind to contest the divorce and fought harder for shared legal and physical custody of the children. But when you just aren't familiar with the darker side of life and friends and family tell you to remain optimistic you tend to do so. You tend to enter into life changes unprepared and ill advised just because people are trying to cheer you up. People should be more real and honest instead of trying to be nice all of the time especially when so much is at stake. But at least he had some support.
So my husband went on to have visitation with his children and he paid his child support obligation. All the while he was still unhappy with the fact that his marriage had failed and that his children were introduced to this new man in their mother's life. I get it, I know that it was an awkward stage in my husband's life and this is where I think his gender, culture, and most of all his pride got in the way. Understandably he was not the best at dealing with many of the new realities that were forced upon him.
Still, time went by and eventually he met me. Well, changes to the ex-wife were about to happen now so this is, of course, where things got real for her.
I lived in a different city, about an hour away, from where my husband's children and ex-wife lived. So when he moved in with me things changed for his children as well. Visitation became less since he was not living in the same city anymore. We knew things would need to change so naturally the ex sought out a modification of child support and visitation. This was to be expected and we dealt with it accordingly.
Then we got married and had a child together. This was yet another instance where things got real for the ex. My husband anticipated his children to feel left out and awkward so in order to try to reduce that and expel the feelings of resentment he talked to them incessantly about how this new baby was going to be family and how my son, their step brother, was also someone they'd be living with and that we all were to learn and grow as a family together. Classic blended family blues were prevalent at first but over the years we have all gotten to a truly good place and I am very fortunate that we have all gotten to the point that we are at now which is one where we all care for and love each other greatly. This I am happy for.
During all of this assimilation, though, my husband and I had to deal with child support issues, visitation issues, and of course angry bitter old ex wife antics which I thought to be unfounded since she was the one that had apparently moved on first. She was remarried and was supposedly happy in love. Happy people who have moved on should be easy to get along with, or so I thought. Clearly some "feelings" got in the way and she was very hard to get along with. Words were said between both parties and that was about it. Nothing more has transpired since it seems everyone got stuff off their chest. But still, there are series of "reer" moments from the ex. Don't know why, just are.
To this day the ex either ignores or takes days to respond to my husband about issues with the children. Everything they talk about is strictly about the children. She still doesn't think that is important enough to discuss in a timely fashion. My husband responds almost instantly to her emails or texts. She, unfortunately, doesn't always reciprocate. But don't bring this to her attention because she will just play the victim in it all when things are just supposed to be about the children, not her.
My husband got a lawyer and requested joint legal and joint physical custody after being served with papers where the ex requested less visitation between the kids and their dad. She said that their extra curricular activity was more important than time spent with dad. The judge did not agree yet did not acknowledge the profound sense of crazy that this woman clearly displayed by making that statement in the first place. She was still given sole physical custody but my husband was given joint legal custody. Visitation orders remained the same but with the extra curricular activity taking place on my husband's visitation time his lawyer requested that the child support order remain unaffected since this activity was something the judge told my husband he should strongly consider letting the kids continue with because they were good at it and enjoyed it.
So thankfully my husband was not penalized through increased child support for allowing the children to participate in this extra curricular activity the ex continues to sign them up for every year. My husband understands the children's strong desire to play in this sport and although it is taking away from his visitation time with them he still wants them to be happy whether it be with or without him.
In order to pay child support on time and to support, essentially, two households my husband has it hard. A lot of fathers are in this same situation. We know how it is. Longer visitation time during summer and winter breaks with the kids means we are spending more money during that time, yet continue to pay the same amount in child support to the ex. The cost of living for us is greater than it is for the ex. She chooses to live in a city an hour away from us yet works in the same city as us. So you know with gas prices being what they have been for some time she is spending a large amount of money on gas. It would probably equal the same, what with her mortgage pymt plus gas, if she would just live in our city (the city she works in) instead of commuting every day. Commuting also means she is spending less time with her kids and step dad is taking on most of the household duties with the kids in her absence. Good thing he is never consistently working FT. Otherwise how else would the ex get things done for the kids.
We live within our means. That means we are struggling. We are a family of 7 when all of the kids are here together with us. With my husband working as much as he can and with my income, that seems to be dwindling due to my employer's budget cuts, we are barely making it. But we are still making it. We are still here and we provide a reasonable and comfortable living environment that under normal circumstances wouldn't be a problem. But because there are court orders and someone comparing her living situation to ours all the time as if she can provide more for the kids than we can I always laugh. Because if it weren't for OUR income going into her pocket every single month she wouldn't have what she has which means the kids wouldn't have what they have. So in order for the kids to have........guess what, we sacrifice the most in order to make that happen. Even when that means my daughter and son have to eat whatever we have when times are tough here for us. Hey, as long as the kids have the newest version of the iPhone, iPod, xBox, new shoes or video games. Must be nice to be able to afford the purchase of a home and a motorcycle and afford hotel accommodations whenever the kids sport activities travel to other cities.
Thanks family court. Appreciate it. As long as this "in the best interest of the children" crap is turning the children into spoiled brats then their job is done, right? Who cares that without a court order these 2 people can't co-parent effectively because one parent has the option of happily turning all of them into another statistic.
It's sad to watch all of this unfold in the manner that it does. I mean it's like nobody learns how to responsibly have a family. It's like there is always the option of having tax paying citizens bail you out of having to reap what you sow. Whether it be through child support court orders or enrolling in subsidized child care because you no longer want to be with your "baby daddy" anymore cuz you found someone new.
I have never set foot in family court over my son. I don't expect to either because I know that as long as my son is happy and has what he needs (not wants) he is going to be fine. I don't care if I buy him what he needs or if his dad buys him what he needs as long as he has it then I'm happy. And guess what, so is he.
So simple isn't it? One would think so........
I am mad as hell, the legal system has failed.>So I am now turning to a public forum to try and find some justice.Everything I am about to type is 100% true and completely provable, please read this. If you know someone who can help please tell me otherwise please share this as sooner or later someone that can help will see this.On December 22nd, 2012 my childrens mother came from Kennewick, WA to Albany to visit my boys for Christmas. This was the first time she had seen them since early July of 2011. The first day we visited at her room in the Albany Econolodge. The 2nd day, Dec. 23rd, 2012, we brought her out to our home in Scio for a visit so she could more easily play with and engage with the children. During this visit we also discussed the parenting time going forward in order to facilitate a transition time so she could start seeing her children again.On December 25th she came to Scio again for gifts and Christmas Dinner and stayed for about 5 -6 hours. At the conclusion of the evening my mom and step-dad drove her back to her hotel. During this drive she thanked for helping take care of her kids. There were a total of 2 small children, 2 teenagers, and 7 adults of varying ages at dinner that night. On December 26th, 2012 myself and my kids picked her up at her hotel at 11 am. We drove over to Waverly Park, well we were there we both signed documents affirm I would retain custody and setting a plan to reestablish regular contact with her. I then allowed her several hours alone with my boys in Albany. Late afternoon I picked them up from the Albany Library and we dropped her at the bus/train station so she could return home.On January 2nd, 2013 my ex visited a therapist in Washington and accused me of slapping my 3 year old son and knocking him to the ground on Christmas Afternoon. Her therapist reported this to Washington CPS and on January 4th, 2013 the report reached the Linn County Sheriff's Office. As of January 14th, 2013 the LCSO had done no formal investigation of the incident. On this day as well, my ex attempted to get emergency custody and was denied. At this point she reached out to the LCSO and suddenly they were actively pursuing the investigation. On January 18th, 2013 my 7 year old was interviewed, without my knowledge, at his school. During this record interview he told the LCSO officer nothing happened on Christmas. That same evening my mother and step-dad were interviewed as well and also told the LCSO nothing happened. Those reports have never been seen in an official record.I have signed statements from 5 individuals all stating nothing happened as well as the testimony of my son. Yet no one else was interviewed at that time. On January 23rd, 2013 there mom was granted emergency custody, at which time she took my children to Washington. I was never contacted by LCSO until February 1st, 2013. 10 days after my children were taken. Furthermore, to this day I have NEVER been contacted by Oregon DHS and neither has anyone else associated with this case in Oregon.At this time it was alleged that a regularly abused my children and left bruises on them. These allegations were made despite 18 months worth of statements from my daycare providers that they never saw a questionable mark, despite no concerns from the school, despite there never being a single report of any sort against me.At approximately 3am on February 2nd, 2013 as I was leaving to go see my children in Washington I was detained by LCSO. I was held for the 2nd, 3rd, and part of the 4th. During this time I was never read my rights and never questioned. I was released without any charges filed. I later learned I had been in custody over 24 hours before my ‘Probable Cause’ warrant was even signed.Ultimately I was charged with 2 counts of criminal mistreatment. When we asked for proof they sent pictures of bruises on my younger son. We asked for time stamps and were informed by the Linn County DA that they had none and we were offered a plea deal. After reviewing these pictures with an alleged date of January 23rd we became aware that they were not logged into evidence until January 28th. We were further able to establish that during an ER visit in the early hours of January 24th, 2013 no bruising was noted despite claims the doctors were shown the bruises. I was also allowed a brief visit on January 26th, 2013 and during that time my Step-Dad and myself both saw the lower half of my younger son well changing his pull-up and noted no bruising. When we finally received pictures from the DA they were stamped the evening on January 27th, 2013 several days after my children were taken from me.At this time a Grand Jury was held that included 2 people who know me. The grand jury failed to bring any charges. A second grand jury was held without people who knew me present. At this time my charges were reduced from 2 to 1. During this point in time the criminal charges did not allow me contact with my children. Despite this my ex saw fit to serve me with a restraining order in Washington. I had to have special permission to travel and contest the order. The restraining order ultimately was not granted.At this time my ex chose to attack my girlfriend instead. Serving a restraining order and alleging stalking and attempted kidnapping. This despite the fact she lived 7 ½ hours away on the Oregon coast and had co workers, neighbors, and her work log to show it was physically impossible. However she still had to travel to eastern Washington to fight the order and charges, which she was able to win. However, upon returning home she was terminated from her federal position in the wake of the allegations.Shortly after this I was served with an Oregon restraining order and as we were already engaged in a criminal trial I was forced to postpone a hearing on the restraining order. On July 18th, 2013 I was found not guilty of any wrongdoing and the no contact order was dropped. But do to the pending restraining order I was still allowed no contact with my children. My ex refused to drop the order and a court date was scheduled for September.Approximately a week after being found not guilty I received a letter from Oregon DHS dated the same day July 18th. This letter found me guilty of abusing my children. A letter like that, despite a not guilty verdict can have serious repercussions on your future. I was given this finding despite NEVER having been interviewed by DHS. I appealed the decision and the findings were overturned as there was no evidence just statements made by my ex. I have the letters to prove it. Yet I still had no contact.In September of 2013 we arrived for court to fight my restraining order. My ex chose to drop the order 2 minutes before entering the courtroom thus ensuring she had to answer no question. At this time I immediately mounted a fight for custody but in the meantime I was bound to the temporary custody ruling. I was allowed 3 phone calls a week and supervised visitations in Washington. While actively fighting for custody I made 2 trips to Washington (October and November 2013) for visits. I have the reports from both visits that document how well I interact with children and that nothing unusual happened. In about mid-November the Judge removed all restrictions from me but opted to leave custody in place as trial was believed to be imminent and had been tentatively scheduled for early January pending a custody evaluation.During November and December I met with a very well respected evaluator several times. This evaluator also met my girlfriend and watched how we both interacted with my kids. I was also granted a visit over thanksgiving , 2013. When we picked up my children and brought them home we noted a bruise on my older son that was very similar to the earlier bruise on my younger son. When asked about it, my son said his mom already had a picture which seemed an odd thing to do. We documented the bruise with my camera and we called the LCSO as well. Two officers responded the next morning and took pictures and also advised us to keep a daily picture noting how the bruise healed. I believe there mother intended to try and charge me with abuse a second time and only our reports and pictures stopped that.We also had a second longer visit over Christmas Break as we awaited trial and the conclusion of the evaluator. Ultimately trial was scheduled for the first week of February. We received the evaluators report in mid-January, 2014. This evaluator is very experienced and well respected in the area. Having conducted over 1,000 reviews for the various courts. Her findings clearly state that she identified no wrong doing on my part and recommended I receive full custody of my children back. At this time we offered to settle the case and let everyone move on with their life’s.My ex refused this offer and insisted on going to trial. We anticipated a delay of about 2 weeks to allow scheduling of the evaluator for trial. On the day of the hearing to set a new court date my ex's lawyer suddenly had jury duty in Eugene which forced a rescheduling. This was followed by the bad snow storm and delayed further. Ultimately after several weeks of negotiating we were finally able to find a window when everyone was available, may 27th and 28th, 2014. In the meantime, since the travel is considered long distance, I have not seen my children since January 5th and I am not scheduled to see them until sometime in late June. We have worked diligently to prepare for court and make sure we have all our evidence and witnesses ready to go. We became aware that my ex was having a medical issue on around May 3rd, 2014. However nothing was said to the courts until may 21st, 2014 when they requested an emergency continuance of the trial. That continuance was granted today may 23rd, 2014. Amazingly enough when the courts tried to quickly reschedule to the first available opening her lawyer was suddenly not available until September of this year. I now have to wait another 3 ½ months to try and get my children back despite holding paperwork for almost 5 months that says I should already have them back.My ex has a history of associating with sex offenders and continues to do so today. This I can prove.She lied about me in order to gain custody. This I can prove.She has consistently failed to obey court orders. This I can prove.Both of my children have had questionable bruises I could not have caused. This I can prove.My older son consistently misses school and is in danger of being held back. This I can prove. She has lied to doctors about me and about my children to have them put on medicines they don’t need. This I can prove.It has been 485 days since my children were taken and I do not know when this will end.We have spent over $20,000 fighting for what is right and continue to get knocked down. Yet my ex has a free attorney and continues to use your tax dollars to cause myself, my children, and my family pain and anguish.If this moves you at all please feel free to pass this on until we get the attention of someone who can take action and set this injustice right.
I live in Woodland CA. County of Yolo. My nightmare with CPS started summer of 2011 when my third son was born 4 weeks early. The hospital said I tested positive for amphetamines which turned out to be the cold medication I was taking at the time. Baby and I stayed in hospital an extra day due to him being 4 weeks early, he was a 6 lb. 15 oz. at birth but he could not suck very strong. Nothing was said anymore about the positive test. Baby and I went home for three days before we had to go to Dr. appointment which I had the boys great aunt take him because I had an appointment to get my 3 year old signed up for head start and go to WIC to get a breast pump to help feed my new born well I never made to the school or WIC because the aunt call saying the baby lost 15 oz since we left the hospital. So I rush to hospital. we end up staying the night when the next day this rude loud mouth lady accusing me of being a bad mother because my son tested positive for meth. I was ordered to leave and if I came back the hospital was to call the police. Ordered me to go test so I did that was all bad to. they said it was a dirty test that there wasn't enough there to test as she was putting on the chain of custody over the sample. by the time we went to court that test was back saying I was trying to flush my system something about some level. then reading the way the Dr. lied on paper, the way the investigator got my name wrong gave mea daughter I never had a criminal record that wasn't mine, saying the baby lost 15 oz. in one day. just all kinds of crap. I have proof of all of their lies an twisted stories. But no one wants to see my proof and if they do they want like 250.00 an hour. I have may lawyers want to help for the amount of money. They tool my kids for bonuses. they stole my boys then sold them. I have written letters to congress state of California the president newspapers news even down to Dr. Phil hopping for a sign of hope that something would get done or some kind of help. last thing I have to say is at the bottem of those first court documents it states I DECLARE UNDER THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA PENALTY OF PURJURY LAW THAT THE FORGOING IS TRUE AND CORRECT. Well it was mostly wrong. And my boys lawyer was my lawyer when I was 18 in a different case. that's conflict isn't it?
Children being mentally, physically, and sexually tortured while in foster care the past four years . this is still ongoing false and fabricated evidence has been used in the family members and excluded from the the TRP and the appeal. upon having the TPR reversed December 2013 we leaned of the tortures and abuses Feb 2014. Not one bit of cooperation has taken place from the foster family or the court since FEB the evidence is being withheld from verification and no copies were ever provided in the trial. And the children were in adoption and are still in the foster care system with the abusers being in the foster family and not investigated by law enforcement, The court, DHR and the foster family are protecting the rapist and abuser of the children the family has been segregated for over two years and the youngest children returned to the drug addicted abuser with their family and moved the 900 miles away from their siblings and the couty where the crimes were commited against them
I was earning a total yearly income of 37,864.80.
The requirement for 2 children in 1997 per the Child Support work sheet would have only been 608.00 for both children.
I opted to pay 861.00 which was a positive difference of 253.00 over the state standard.
I paid 861.00 monthly till 2002 which equated to a total 51,660.00.
I remarried, had two other children, and through a written agreement with my ex-wife reduced it to 816.00 which resulted in a difference of 208.00.
I paid 816.00 until 2012 which equated to the amount of 97,920.00.
All combined I have paid 149,580.00.
My ex-wife now claims through the State of Maine that I owe and arreage of 7,000.00
It’s as if the courts are for some reason or another legally bound to give the lion’s share of parenting time to just one parent, and assigning the lion’s share of support obligations to the other parent, custody being the mother in upwards of 90% of cases. Yet, I know of no law anywhere that prohibits a judge from awarding equal, or roughly equal, parenting time between mothers and fathers. State of Maine is wholly uncommitted to doing right by fathers.
I am a father of four and two step children. My daughter has not spoken to me in over 18 years because her mother has brainwashed her for many years. The courts just let her do it. The courts in Wyoming seem to look down on veterans and most especially combat veterans. I have never been in trouble or in jail in my life and still the stigma of being a combat veterans follows me around like the smell of a cesspool. I was pegged as one of those dangerous men who came home from the Vietnam war, and was immediately called names that I wasn't, and my former spouse joined right in. Yes I had anger problems, I was dealing with them. Couldn't get over the anger quick enough to suit her. Even though I have a clean record, was a former Navy CT with a security clearance, the courts still raked me over the coals. Took my home, made me pay child support which I didn't mind, and I didn't need a court order to support my own children. The great ERA state ate me alive because I was a man, and to make it worse a combat veteran. My family is now separated, fighting amongst themselves, and there is little I can do about it. My daughter I believe was abused by her step father, and every time I tried to do something the courts would shoot me down. So much for serving your country and coming home to try and make a life. I am now seventy four years of age and without any recourse but to just forget my own daughter. The courts here in all there wisdom tore my family to pieces with the help of my ex wife. No one can blame me for the way my daughter acts, because I never got a chance to raise her.
A simple strategy to gain custody of a child
Separated in 2003 and divorced in 2006 I had a very difficult battle to obtain joint physical custody of my two very young children. My ex-wife has never liked this arrangement but finally agreed via a GAL report recommendation and a schedule that benefits only her not the children. I have since been vocal to many people trying to obtain 50/50 that without the law behind you a parent is still at a disadvantage of gate keeping from an alienating parent. My ex has been working on alienation and alignment behavior for ten years now. She has asked three times for a new GAL report and has asked for no overnight visitation. Each time the judge has done what the law states and she has immediately truncated the request. The law states there must be a "major change in circumstances" to alter a parenting order. Well guess what? there is a major loophole in the system that I have unfortunately learned because my ex has implemented it since last Labor Day. You just simply hold the child and don't deliver the child during parenting time, ever. I was amazed she would attempt it after 11 years and surely she would be in contempt holding a 12 year old and having the 12 year old say she will no longer suddenly go? I discovered this works within the court. The judge stated mother is not in contempt because she cant make a child go and even if it is alienation it can never be proven it's a behavior not a disorder. So now I go to bi-weekly therapy with my daughter and see her for the final 15 minutes of each session ( only time I see her) for the past 8 months. I have no access and live 3/4 of a mile down the road. Since they have suddenly entered fake 51a's and such but no one seems to have a problem with this. It is just a mother who "isn't endorsing me as a father" and a 12 year old with fantasy 12 year old behavior. The therapist claims I should just worry about the long view future of having a relationship with my child and don't be impatient these things take many years to fix. The judge has me check in every 3 months to see how it is going. I told the judge that it is not going well and she said "sir there is no other option for you I'm sorry". The bottom line is my child has been removed, with 50/50 custody by simply holding the child and the court claims nothing can be done about it. Forget about GAL's and trials and such just simply holding the child seems to work.
Restraining Order = alienation and complete disruption of employment. My ex has effectively made it impossible for me to provide for her and my daughter. 12/03/13 I lost my court battle for Shared Legal Custody though I was awarded full access to my daughter's medical records and educational records as well as retaining my two days a week of visitations with my daughter. My ex put a restraining order on me the day I left the household. For twenty three months I'd never violated this order and managed to acquire (eventually) unsupervised visitation with my daughter since 3/9/13 after six months of supervised visitation. We share a journal at drop offs and pick ups at the YMCA Safety Exchange Program and my ex can email me as well. I informed her I was going to see my daughter's School Superintendent so I could receive info on my daughter's progress. My daughter, Lilith is 5 yrs old. I called the school to ask how to do this and they told me to bring the Court Ordered Judgement to the Superintendent and leave my contact info. As I was leaving to go back to work my ex happened to be dropping off my daughter to school. I didn't say a word walked directly to my van and went back to work. My ex went directly to the police. I explained to the officer the situation and he put a warrant out for my arrest. I spent 30 days in jail only to have the charges dismissed concluding a hearing with my ex and my probation officer upon my release day. I lost an excellent job because of this. Two days later I got to see my daughter. My ex remonstrated me in the journal not to explain to my daughter about my absence. I've never missed a visitation before this occurrence. My daughter never showed up for my next visit. My ex claims my daughter told her therapist I am forcing her to keep secrets and I threatened to kill her. I would never even hurt my daughter's feelings much less commit such an insane act. She filed a 51A with DCF (dept of children and families), filed a complaint to cease visitations in court, and is effectively destroying my ability to be in my daughter's life at all. My ex is making it impossible to provide for her or my daughter. I lost my job, my daughter, and possibly my freedom. I have three court dates in May of 2014 The pain, stress, and astonishing disbelief she has just heaped upon me are almost unmanageable. If I'm not very careful I may lose everything I own. How can this woman be legally allowed to destroy my life for my merely trying to be a part of my daughter's life (what little I had obtained I've lost). Please help me.
After a two year exhausting court battle and no resolution) -Based on the lack of response from my ex-spouse, reports of statements from my daughter, the lack of judicial support and the ineffective appointed officers of the Maryland court system I am force to consider the following:
Family Therapy Position
I have no faith that family therapy will occur as it has been ordered on three separate occasions. Despite fact that family therapy and reunification was the intent of the court. The courts have allowed enforcement to be ignored therefore, empowering my ex-spouse’s belief that she is above the law and no consequences will occur. If family therapy was to occur I am certain this would have taken place many months ago when the original order was written. My ex- spouse has made her position very clear in that she will not support my relationship with my child. Her continued support of a therapist who recommends to our daughter we should sever our relationship, supporting our daughter’s weekend employment despite a court order for outside visitation progress to be made and her empowerment our daughter’s decision not to participate in family therapy are all powerful statements of her position. My ex-spouse’s unwillingness to participate in therapy herself strongly supports her position. Although, my ex-spouse’s belief is that she is not the problem contrary to that belief she is. As a parent, when your child is in crisis it is your job to make every attempt to resolve that crisis even if that means participating in family therapy. At the very least, participating with the intention of assisting us to better co-parent our daughter. The priority here has never been family therapy and resolution is not their intention. The fact remains that my daughter continues to report events that simply have not occurred and after all these months my daughter and I have not made any progress towards resolution. Given their actions and statements the only reassurance I have is how broken our family truly is and will remain.
The impact of my daughter’s current mental health as a result of the alienation.
As I have already stated my daughter has consistently reported events that have simply not occurred. As a parent of not only M I have to consider the impact of her statement and her mothers’. I find myself asking whether or not reintegrating M back into my life is in my best interest. I fear the risks out weight the benefits to some degree. I would say at this point the likelihood of another false accusation is highly probable. Given the courts have no information other than what is reported to them the court will err on the side of caution in favor of the child. This may not be a problem if appropriate objective assessments were being perform by those appointed by the courts, but experience has made it very clear that I need to protect myself and my freedom. We have all participated in the events that have occurred and I can no longer support keeping my child sick at this point. It is my belief that M’s best interest has long been forgotten. I am not going to participate in forcing her to share a relationship with me given her position. M has reported that she is done with me and no longer wants me in her life. The court and her mother have empowered her to make that choice. They have placed life altering decision in the hands of a fourteen year old child who has remained in crisis for the last two years. I question whether the decision is appropriate given my child suffers from anxiety, low self-esteem, suicidal ideations, self-mutilation and depression. Should she be the person to make these decisions for herself? A child that cannot make any other legal decisions, but yet has been afford the choice to determine the relationship she will or not will not share with her father. I feel the courts’ decision has been unjust. I have damned to supervised visitation for the next three years based on the current position. I have been afforded no rights as parent to impact my child’s life with the exception to lessen the financial burden. I need to make this very clear that I can no longer participate in visitation at the visitation center. I will not support a decision to allow M. to avoid addressing our conflicts. Supporting this simply reinforces the vicious cycle and makes me a party to keeping her sick.
If I am to be honest I have never been satisfied with what the courts have granted me in terms of my relationship with my child, but I am a man who makes a modest living and for most of my life I was forced to accept what decisions had been made. Just as I am now twelve years later. There are decisions I could have made such as, when my child was young I was offered payment to sign my rights over, but that was not what I want for me or my daughter. I may not have much in terms of material items but what I did have and what I am most proud of are my children. I realize that I am not a perfect parent, but I am not the parent that I have been made out to be either. For twelve years I shared a relationship with my child. Given the little time I was afforded I tried to spend that time with her. My measurement of love was not measured by what I had given her but by the reassurance I will always be there. Again, I understand that I may have not communicated that to M well all the time, but I have always felt that in my heart. I have been met with opposition for much of this time and despite that opposition it was more important to me to see my child than to worry about the little details or disagreements there may have been. This last eighteen months have been challenging, financially and emotionally draining for me and my family. What am I left with besides thousands of dollars in legal fees?
I am left with the understanding that the truth is not sought by the courts, their preconceived notions are given more weight than actual evidence, and unsubstantiated claims of abuse are what determines truth. In the twelve year since my divorce, there has not been one actual witnessed claim of abuse, but the court has allowed that to determine their decision. The court continues to empower those who are the least deserving of their ultimate power over our lives.
Married with four children, living in a 5,500 square foot house on the end of a cul-de-sac sounds like the American dream. At the time, my husband decided to start an internet based business. I supported my husband in his decision to leave his six figure job as he ventured to be an entrepreneur. As Tom was pursuing his dream, I was a stay at home Mother devoting my life to raising my children. I had 4 children in 5 years and my youngest was born with Congenital Heart Disease. I was very involved in the children’s lives volunteering with the Parent Teacher Organization, coaching sports with the Town Parks and Recreation Department and engaging the children in a multitude of local activities. During this particular time in my life, I was the primary care provider for my children as Tom traveled for weeks on end pursuing his new business venture.
With this new business venture came financial concerns. Due to the stress Tom was enduring I witnessed his drinking escalate significantly. His consumption of alcohol was no longer restricted to the weekends, it became a daily occurrence. Some days he began his drinking by 10:00 a.m. As most spouses of alcoholics, I found myself becoming an enabler. I made excuses, would hide the evidence of his drinking and would take the children to the local pool to protect them from witnessing their father’s embarrassing behavior.
After a few years, the bills continued to pile up and our debt was out of control. I had returned to the working world to help with the finances and to carry medical insurance to relieve Tom of some of his stress. I begged Tom that we needed a Financial Advisor. All my ideas Tom degraded and avoided. After battling with Tom for 3 years to make a financial decision to sell our house, he finally agreed that it would be best to sell our dream home, downsize and move back to Pennsylvania so that my parents could help us with the children.
My return to work was a blow to Tom’s ego. He had a difficult time accepting the fact that his business venture was taking longer to produce the type of profit he was aiming for. Although our relationship had begun to spiral, this is when things really took a turn for the worse. Tom would say to friends and family that he was so proud of me for taking over the financial responsibility, managing work, cooking, cleaning and transporting the children. He was impressed with my organizational skills. I used to joke around with him stating that I didn’t need a husband and that I really needed another “Wife”. Meaning I needed extra drivers, cooks, cleaning person, general help with the chores and responsibilities. Tom was threatened by that statement and in front of me he would belittle my job position, the salary I was making, the people I worked with and my inability to manage work, cleaning, cooking and the general care of the children. He was angry that he had to pitch in and help, perhaps another bruise to his ego. Although there were always signs of Tom’s belief that women are inferior, it was now that his comments became hurtful to me.
Despite my desire to help Tom by pitching in and trying to persevere through difficult times, he would berate me constantly. He also encouraged the children to look down on me by informing them that my job was “worthless” and making comments like “everyone knows who supports this family”. Now Tom was home more and he witnessed the children being disciplined. I am not certain as to why he did not support disciplining the children, perhaps due to his guilt about not being home much for them. Tom used to say he felt like a “Stranger” in his own home, because he was gone so much. Regardless, he began to challenge any discipline that I tried to enforce. Now, my husband’s drinking and my children’s behavior was out of control. I felt the disrespect and demeaning from everyone, I was alone.
Since Dillon was 5 yrs old, I was battling with Tom's parenting skills. He chose the kids over supporting me. As teenagers things progressively got worse. My children were now speaking down to me, following their Father’s footsteps of belittling, demeaning, disrespect. Because Tom chose to travel extensively, I was alone. I caught the kids stealing, on the rooftops of the schools and the janitors were chasing them off, back-talking, not doing school work drinking and using marijuana. One day Tom and I are both at home and Dillon and Daulton tell us they are going to Kohl’s with their friends. I immediately expressed concern because the boys were not buying anything; they were just looking for something to do. I was concerned they would be playing around in the racks of clothes and the store managers would kick them out or that they would steal something. Tom of course said I was being ridiculous and that our boys are good children and I always put the kids down. About 30 minutes later we receive a house call from the Police stating our children, not their friends were arrested for shoplifting. I handed Tom the phone and he was screaming in disbelief. Only when the police called did Tom realize that our children were troubled! (Exhibit A- letter to TQ). Tom never believed or supported me, he always said I was lying or making it up and he believed the children over me. So the children knew they could get away with anything because Dad would back them 100%. This is where the UNITED FRONT needed to be and Tom did not support that. I had caught Daulton getting high before school and caught him a few times coming home intoxicated in 7th grade! Tom once again didn’t believe me so I took a ride to the local Rite Aid and bought a Marijuana drug test kit for $15.00. Made Daulton urinate in cup, sent it off to the lab and it came back positive. I always had to go the extra step to prove it to Tom that our kids were going down the wrong path.
I was struggling to teach them the basic manners, proper hygiene, homework, responsibility, discipline because Tom would step in and tell them to do the opposite. Tom always demeaned me in front of the children, calling me a Militant and taking my authority away. I had to fight for my belief in Education. Tom didn’t believe in teachers, schooling, and college. One example is when the teachers gave my children a packet explaining how they want them to organize their books before the first day of school. If this was not completed properly you would lose 40 points the first day. So I run around all day to different stores trying to find all requests from their teachers all 4 kids’ class assignment schedules. I bring home all the products and organize them and hand them to each child with what each of their teachers expected. Dillon starts giving me a hard time saying he is not doing it that way. I explain to him that if he doesn’t then he would lose 40 points right away. Starting with an “F” is not the way to go. Tom hears Dillon arguing with me and Tom’s response is, “Fuck the teachers, Dillon is 14 years old and he can do it his way!” Dillon now refuses to do what the teachers request and he goes to school unprepared and loses 40 points. Another example was I had jobs lined up for the kids at the Jersey shore and Tom tells my kids that they don’t need a job and he would pay them $10.00/hour to sit on the beach. My kids always had to fail first to learn a lesson. I used to think that was a good thing but it was too many lessons and they were not learning from their mistakes because Daddy always bailed them out and then told them how “wonderful” they are. Tom always built the kids up, even if they were doing wrong.
Then all the drinking at the Tiki Bar was overwhelming. I was entertaining from Wed-Sunday and finally cut those friends out because I wanted peace and quiet in my home. Having a calendar of 8 -9 team and work schedules, doctors appointments to deal with was exhausting and I did not want to entertain a bunch of freeloaders destroying my house. I would have 11 hours of basketball on Saturdays and I did not want to feel tired or hung-over. Tom beat me down saying I was a kill-joy and no fun to be around because I wouldn’t drink and relax. I was the only one taking responsibility, so I would put the kids to bed and then I would clean up the kitchen and go to bed and leave everyone downstairs at the Tiki Bar.
Tom emailed Todd,(EXHIBIT B) my brother, admitting all the pressures he put on me and was not supportive and the alcohol compounded everything. Tom asked for my brother and my mother to back off and to stay out of our lives and to stop interfering, that he should have never joined arms with Todd campaigning against me, his wife, and say that I had mental issues, (i.e. Bi-Polar.) Everyone was in our business and it made things worse. Nobody RESPECTED our wishes. I kept receiving nasty emails from everyone and they were cheering on Tom because all they saw was me yelling because of the utter frustration of this chaos in my house.
Everyone was controlling my life and my family.
I shared my feelings with Tom and requested that we seek counseling. He refused stating “counseling leads to separation, separation leads to divorce”. He proceeded to tell me that if I were to divorce him that he would destroy me. I lived the next few years trying to stick it out for my family.
I asked Tom again years later to go to Counseling for parenting, he refused
I then asked Tom to go to an AA meeting because of his drinking, he refused(he obviously was not happy at home, due to his excessive drinking, he chose to be at the tiki bar instead of helping me with the kids or to sleep next to me)
I told tom I was falling out of love with him and he needed to change and asked him if we could do date nights- he laughed at me and refused.
Then I asked for separation and Tom threatened me, saying it was laughable because he had control of finances that I would be left with nothing, that he would Destroy me, pit family, friends and children against me and I would have nothing. So I felt trapped and stayed 3 more years.
Due to the lack of support and respect I decide to go back to work. I started at _____ part-time. I enjoyed the people I was working with and I felt respected in the working environment. I was able to quickly open up markets for them and then _______ asked me to become a full-time employee. However, I found myself having feelings for a man, named __________, with whom I worked with. I never thought I would ever be involved with someone I worked with, or cross a line in my marriage but yes, I did stray and I know that was wrong, but I was trapped!
I tell Tom about the affair, July 2011. Tom’s temper explodes, but he promises me he will keep this between us and not tell the family or children. Tom hires a Psychic, Edith _________.(EXHIBIT D). She is now counseling all of us, my children included. She brought in Religion, something I battled with my husband, he did not believe in Catholics, called me a hypocrite, so I trusted her because she had Tom and our children going to church as a family. Tom goes nuts, I feel awful and decide to stay and do my “penance”. Eliz brings in candles and crystals to our house, at the time I thought it felt peaceful but realized it was more of Tom’s games and manipulations. I tried for 9 more months to see if this will work. Tom seems to change and is supporting me and being kind and helping out with the kids and chores. But it only lasts 1 week.(Exhibit B-Tom’s letter to Todd). Every day I live in fear that Tom was going to tell the children. He was screaming vulgar things to me. He was gesturing vile sexual positions in front of the children and me.(Exhibit C- Tom’s Texts). The kids started to notice so I stay in my room to avoid any confrontation and starred at the four walls afraid to come out because Tom would berate me and demean me in front of the children. It was so hostile that I had to leave. I emailed my lawyer begging him that I needed to get out.(EXHIBIT F). I changed the locks and then my lawyer told me that was a mistake.(EXHIBIT G). Tom started to get violent, chasing me around the house, trapping me in my closet, pinning me up against the bathroom wall, and throwing me on the bed. I was terrified!
I left house in April 2012 for 6 weeks, Tom tells our children about the affair on May 7th, 2012. At this point Tom destroys my reputation to our children and paints an image in my children’s heads, at ages 10, 12 , 14 and 16 yrs. old that their Mother is the town “Whore”, “Slut” , having sex with everyone in the backseats of cars and that I’m selfish and I never loved my children that I chose “Scum” over my love for my family. The anger is over the top, overwhelming! I was receiving threats and ultimatums from Tom daily.(Exhibit E- Toms threats). My oldest, Dillon was sending me threats that he would kick “___________ Ass”. My Children are Now hostile against me, calling me the same vulgar and vile names my husband does.( I had a normal relationship with my children up until this point).Tom out of pure anger and hatred made it his mission to abuse, humiliate and degrade me in front of my children, family, friends, and neighbors. ( I have 1 yr of incident reports recorded in a journal) The non-stop onslaughts are lewd, vile and vulgar and take a mental and physical toll on me.
I move back into the Buckwalter house Memorial Day Weekend, because Tom took the kids to Stone Harbor, NJ for the summer. Tom and I have a shore rental house in Stone Harbor together for the summer. Tom gets me off lease and goes to Stone Harbor Police with kids to keep me away from the children and the house on 114th ST. I am all alone again. Tom is trying to Alienate me from my children. Every time I try to contact them, Tom interferes, by text, by phone, in person. I write my kids apology letters, letters telling them I love them and miss them.(EXHIBIT ). I try calling, texting, and no response or if any response my children are vicious to me. Every time I stop by the kids “scatter”, literally run away from my presence. I am frustrated and sick to my stomach that any human could do this to the person they married, the Mother of his children, and to our innocent children at impressionable ages! They can’t possibly comprehend what is going on but Tom treats them like adults and tells them vicious, cruel and vulgar things about their Mother. Telling the children I am immorally balanced and that I do not love my children and that I never loved them, that I bullied them, I beat them down. My children are witnessing Tom’s anger and are picking up his behaviorial habits. I am now afraid of my older boys, they are violent towards me!(EXHIBIT I).Tom rebels and teaches the kids how to live in an unorganized, sloppy, filthy house. Dillon tells me he likes the house better this way. Tom tells me the kids could live in center city with dirty rats and filth and the courts still won’t take the kids away from him.(Exhibit J) Tom is drinking heavily and has alcohol all over house and feeding kids junk.(EXHIBIT K) I am fighting to be with my kids, to talk to them, to hold them, to just tell them the truth, to tell them I love them and this has nothing to do with them and that it should be between Daddy and I .
Went to trial July 18, 2012 to get back into houses. The rental at Stone Harbor and the Buckwalter house. Judge _______ allows me back into both residences.
Tom and I lived in different bedrooms and had no relations. I asked again for separation and counseling because we were fighting so much and maybe if we lived in separate houses that we could re-connect again but he had to go to parenting classes. He refused. Tom threatened me about the house saying it would take a S.W.A.T team to take him out in handcuffs and drag him across the lawn. I did not want my children to witness anymore confrontation. I felt I had no choice but to leave the house due to Tom’s temper and threats. To make things less difficult on our children, I left in peace so the children routinterrupted because I knew the divorce would be difficult due to Tom not cooperating.
Today I am here and you are all witness to Tom’s threat that he would destroy me. He has taken my family from me, my home, my dignity and my wellbeing. It is my hope that you can see evidence of his abusive behavior and allow me time with my children to help them heal and lead them on the right path.
Life at his house is one big party. No rules just a good time. Unfortunately Tom encourages the children to party due to his own addiction. Please help me, help my children. They need me in their life as I need them. I am concerned for the safety of my children all in the care of my ex-husband, Tom ________. I was the parent that disciplined and Tom was the “Disney Dad” with no rules, guidance, encouragement or organization.
I have been Alienated from my children for over 2 years due to their Father’s manipulations and misconceptions. He has told them untruthful things about me, their birth Mother. Tom gave them visuals of their Mother as a bad person. I have continued my therapy as Dr. N___ has requested, Tom is not in individual therapy at all.
****I WANT TO END THIS SITUATION, GET MY CHILDREN THERAPY , HAVE TOM IN THERAPY FOR ANGER , PARENTING, ALCOHOLISM AND PAST AND CURRENT ISSUES, TO END THIS DIVORCE FAIRLY AND IN THE BEST INTEREST OF MY CHILDREN. NO PRO-LONGING ANY LONGER.
I don't know where to begin , it's been so much. Two beautiful children , a wonderful Daddy, that just don't deserve all this. How can any mother want so badly to try anything to keep them a part. The lies, the games just keep going on and on. I admire my son for staying in this fight and not giving up.How sad it is to watch. I truly believe truth always prevails, the day will come when these two children will be old enough to learn the truth,
I am a father of two beautiful children ages 6 and 5. I have a little over 50% custody. I was playing catch with my son last week and he said, "Daddy I want to be you when I grow up." Tears started running down my eyes. I hugged him and told him, "it's my duty to raise you to be better than me." He said, "no, I want to be you." I said, "okay, but do you want to hit a baseball further than me?" He said, "yes."
I gave in and finally agreed to paint my 5 year old daughter nails, purple, her favorite color. I did not do a very good job and really created a mess. My daughter looked at her nails and look at me and said, "Daddy you are not very good at this." I stated, "I am doing the best I can and I will practice more." She smiled and said, "Daddy i love you and thank you for trying." More tears.
Family court, therapist and attorneys have taken away my Range Rover, my house and every penny I saved. I now live with my mom in a nice rented home and it was worth every penny.
Fathers - know you rights and get involved with your children. Play dates, social events at school. Take them to their physical exams!!
Psychological abuse of my first-grader by school social worker
My name is Vladislav Ruchinsky. My son is a first-grader in the Hewlett-Woodmere school district in New York. The school social worker, Andrea Lev, abused my son psychologically, without my knowledge. On March 12th 2014, when I picked up my son for a medical appointment, my son told me that the school social worker had him brought to her office several times for one-on-one questioning. My son told me that he disliked the questioning and surprised me by telling me that he “hates” his school. Never before have I heard my son voice negative feelings about the school. Subsequent conversation revealed that the source of the negative feeling was the school social worker – her persistent questioning during those secret appointments. Later that week, my son remembered that the school social worker started seeing him in January 2014.
My son told me that the school social worker’s small office is filled with toys – unusual for a school office. It is obvious that the toys are meant to put the children at ease so as to gain their trust. The school social worker let my son play with toys while she asked him questions – he does not remember which questions. Despite having enjoyed the toys, my son told me that he did not want to go back to the school social worker’s office – he disliked the questioning. Such a set-up, meant to entice small children during closed-door one-on-one sessions, conducted without parental knowledge, is typical of child predators. I am worried about such activities in school and parents of other students in the school should be worried, too.
My son told me that he never asked to see the school social worker, either the first time or ever again, and that, each time, nobody told him in advance that he would be brought to her office. The first time when I picked up my son from school, also for a medical appointment, was October 30th 2013, and he looked happy when we met. But on March 12th 2014, my son looked sullen and the school social worker’s waiving friendly good-bye to him, on our way out, did not brighten his mood. My son did brighten up while I drove him to the doctor’s office.
The correlation in time, between my son's negative remark about the school and his report of the school social worker’s activities, strongly suggests a causal connection: the social worker’s persistent pursuit of my son elicits negative emotion in him and, unfortunately, taints, in his mind, the rest of his school experience. This negative development is very unfortunate in light of my son's teachers' spectacular success in improving my son's reading and writing in autumn of 2013, despite contemporaneous mild deterioration of my son's diabetes. I am worried about these surreptitious activities because they are inflicting emotional damage on my son, because this emotional damage can last for a long time, and because this lasting emotional damage is likely to interfere with his studies.
When I first learned of these secret interrogations, on Wednesday March 12th 2014, I asked my son’s mother whether she authorized them. My son's mother wrote to me, on Wednesday March 12th 2014, that she never authorized the school social worker to take my son to her office.
My son told me that he did not meet the school social worker until January 2014. It is not clear to me yet what caused the school social worker’s keen interest in my son, after a whole semester of not having bothered to meet him. The first time the school social worker contacted me officially was on February 7th 2014, when she sent me a copy of an e-mail which she wrote to my son’s mother about a check-off list which she drafted to help my son be organized in packing his belongings prior to going home. After clarifying whether my son was properly supervised in school, I approved of the proposed organization device. Recently, to my disappointment, I learned from my son that he does not use this check-off list.
The second time when the school social worker contacted me was on Monday February 24th 2014, when she wrote an e-mail to me that allegedly my son was so “distraught” in class that was brought down to the school nurse’s office to speak to the nurse and to the school social worker. The school social worker posed accusatory questions to me about my parenting time with my son. It took me a couple of e-mails to the school and a telephone call to learn that my son was alright and back in class.
Later on Monday February 24th 2014 the school social worker asked my permission to have my son brought to “Banana Splits” program which she runs to have children from divorced separated families discuss their parents’ divorce. I objected because “Banana Splits” takes place during lunch, because we already have a problem that my son takes too long to eat which obstructs his diabetes therapy, and because a child should not talk while eating – it can cause choking. I also objected to such unnecessary segregation of children based on their parents’ marital status – it is detrimental to the children’s social development.
I also raised a concern about the name “Banana Splits” because it is an example of a wide-spread but generally unacknowledged pattern of programming children to crave sweets. Recent scientific research suggests that table sugar is addictive. I suggested to the school social worker that she instruct children about healthy eating habits. I also suggested that she contact the American Diabetes Association and the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation for support with such an endeavor. The school social worker never responded to my objections and constructive suggestions. Only on March 12th 2014 did I learn that the school social worker had my child brought to her “Banana Splits” – without ever having informed me.
On March 13th 2014 I asked the school social worker for an explanation of her actions towards my son, including unwarranted temporary isolation from his peers. I also asked the school social worker to leave my son alone but she did not respond. Instead, the school’s principal, Lorraine Smyth, responded vaguely and evasively that the social worker works with all the children in the building. The principal instructed me to direct all future communication to her. When I explained why I find her answer implausible and reiterated my questions, the principal asked me to call the office and make an appointment – a reflex reaction, already used in the past, to avoid answering questions. Having such in-person appointments is not easy for me now because tt takes me around one hour to drive to the school from my home.
The principal’s directive to schedule an appointment, to discuss the social worker’s activities, is in sharp contrast to the delayed response to my emergency request, on March 9th 2014, to hold an emergency on-site diabetes team meeting the morning of March 13th 2014, to discuss the logistics of my son’s new continuous glucose monitor. The principal responded, two days later, that the team will not be available that morning and that we will have to meet later to discuss which information to request from my son’s endocrinologist. It took me several e-mails and telephone calls on March 13th 2014 to find out that my son was alright in school with his new device and that the logistical issues were already resolved. I do not understand why it proves so difficult to reach the school for answers to important questions. I am also disppointed that the principal is concerned with shielding the school social worker from valid questions but is not concerned with protecting the little students from unwarranted and harmful activities of the social worker.
I understand now that the school social worker’s communication with me was part of a confidence trick, first played on my son, without his parents’ knowledge, and then played on me. My son told me that the school social worker shared some information about herself with him, including her parents’ marital status when she was a child. Such ingenuous sharing is often used to gain a victim’s trust in the beginning of a confidence-game scheme. It is most cynical to use such deceptive tactics on a child too young to be even able to understand such schemes. It was never explained to me why my son would need to have anything to do with a social worker. Prior to this academic year, I never even heard of social workers in schools. While already subjecting my son to unwarranted secret interrogations, without my knowledge, the school social worker introduced her services to me using the check-off list in order to gain my parental trust. Two weeks later, she tried to exploit my son’s momentary sadness in class as an excuse to conduct a surprise interrogation against me, likely hoping to find excuses to extend her activities with my son. My son could not remember whatever emotional issue drew the attention of school staff on February 24th 2014. But my son remembered, very clearly, that he disliked being taken out of class and being brought elsewhere for questioning. My son also told me that he dislikes the “talking” during “Banana Splits”.
The school social worker also wrote that my son went back to class after ten minutes in the nurse’s office and that she picked him up from class one hour later for twenty minutes. My son told me that he never asked to see anybody outside of class that day and that he did not feel ill. During our conversation, the weekend of March 16th 2014, it became clear that my son had to be brought to the nurse’s office the morning of February 24th 2014 to have an insulin injection for a snack which he ate in class. So the real reason for visit to the nurse’s office was the need for an insulin injection and not my son’s crying as the school social worker insinuated. I can also guess that my son’s sadness in class was partly due to the school social worker’s persistent bothering of my son during a few weeks prior to that incident. But, obviously, Andea Lev is not concerned about adverse effects of her activities.
I wrote to main officials of Hewlett-Woodmere school district about this but received no response so far. I also wanted to know more about the role of social worker(s) in public elementary schools. It is unfortunate that the school does not have a school nurse to cover the after-school program hours. Having a school nurse during the after-school program hours would be much more beneficial to the students than having a social worker.
I hope that my son will be allowed to focus on learning in school, without being distracted with digressions on his parents' domestic situation or other unnecessary issues. Different families have different issues and elementary-school students are not ready to understand issues of other families. Listening to other children’s parents’ marital issues is not a part of healthy social development for such small children. I need social workers to leave my son alone, to stop interfering with my son’s enjoyment of his school experience. I need the school social worker to stop isolating my son from his peers and to stop putting him in a segregated group. Children need to enjoy their school experience to the extent that it facilitates their school studies. I also wish that my son’s school will communicate with me more openly.
I have much more to discuss about my situation but, at this time, the scary novelty of the school social worker, in an elementary school, has traumatized my child and has me greatly worried for him. Social workers have developed a bad reputation: they act like social predators who view vulnerable children as their prey. Vulnerability may be due to parents’ disagreement, like in my case and in many other cases. Or vulnerability may be due to a child’s health condition even if the parents live together without any obvious disagreement, like in the cases of Sammy Nikolayev and of Justina Pelletier – in both cases hospital social workers initiated detention of these two children against their parents’ will, thereby recklessly endangering these children. Now, a public school setting has been selected as another venue for these social predators to pounce on our children. And using elementary schools for this is especially cynical because it can be very effective. Elementary-school children are old enough to talk at length and already have memory spans long enough for many recollections but at that age they have not yet developed ability to distinguish truth from falsity consistently and, due to complete lack of experience in social matters, they have certainly not developed good judgment. These children have no idea of the horrors which these wolves in sheep’s clothing, euphemistically called social workers, have done to other children and to their families. So, in elementary school, a clever social worker can gain trust of some children by bribing them with toys. And other children, who would otherwise dislike having information about his parents pried from them by a stranger, would then give this information when encouraged by examples of other chidlren in a group discussion organized for that very purpose. And the organizer, i.e. the social worker, records such statements for the sake of using them against the parents – we have yet to find out in which manner but I have reasons to fear that it will be something sinister.
March 18th 2014
My partner and I adopted two children from foster care in 2008. In 2010, my ex, who had been suicidal and unable to work or care for our children, began a curious friendship with one of my co-workers. Within a few months, we decided to legally separate and see a couples therapist to help with separation agreements with kids etc.. Unbeknownst to me, my ex told this therapist I had been beating her. Therapist and ex reported this to DCF. One morning when I arrived at home to pick up my daughter for school, my ex and I got into an argument that escalated into me taking her cell phone to finally figure out some of the peculiar things going on with my co worker and that fact that my daughter claimed she hadn't slept at home the previous evening. Ex called the police to report that I had taken her phone (to my therapists office while my daughter was still with me). There is was - a plan between the two to falsely claim I had hit her in order that she would get custody of the kids. I was arrested and told that in the state of Mass "someone has to get arrested in the domestic dispute" and so it was me. I pleaded since I did take her phone and I was order one year of probation and she has a RO against me. I did nothing to my kids, every person interviewed said I was an amazing mom. The social workers who were our children's adoption workers knew this. The schools knew this. Everyone knew I would never hurt my kids and that I loved them very much. I attended every school meeting, IEP meeting, cooked all their meals etc. while my ex was "too depressed" to function. For 40 days till the investigation was over I wasn't allowed to see my kids. When I was all clear, I had the kids every weekend. My ex received the full 4000 a month subsidy for having kids that were adopted from foster care - even though I had them Friday- Sunday evening and all school breaks. After a year of my ex and her friends threatening me, egging my car, writing blogs about me and causing me to lose my car, I ended up so depressed I had to move home to the south to get back on my feet. I had no money, had lost my job due to the arrest, lost my kids, and had no where to live that I could afford to have both kids there on weekends anymore. I felt defeated. Meanwhile my ex had a 67,000 a yr salary plus 4000 a month stipend. When my kids came to me on weekends they ate pb&j. When they were with her they shopped at whole foods. Since moving, we had a court order that kids would call twice a week. I cannot call them due to RO. Kids never called. I filed contempt complaint after contempt complaint and judge said that we would need to go to trial as our case was very complicated. I cannot afford to pay for a trial, haven't seen my kids in 3 years, pay child support while my ex makes more than 70 grand a year plus gets respite every weekend for kids and 4000 a month stipend. She's made out very well. The kids are now in and out of residential because of behavior problems, but she still get child support even though my daughter lived out of the home for over a year. She claims that the kids don't want to speak to me. The kids DID want to speak to me when I moved. They loved to call and skype but she claimed skype was an invasion of her privacy. And how many 4/5 yr olds like to talk on the phone. And so here we are. My only option is a 30,000 trial. And all I want is visitation and calls/skype. It's a very messed up system. All because of a lie.
My wife and I haven't gotten along since she got pregnant with my daughter. That was seven years ago. We weren't married at the time. I was 21 and her 19. We hadn't even known each other for very long, a matter of months. I believe it is common for most guys (boys) given the age to rub off scared. I would never do that. My beautiful daughter was born and me and my wife (girlfriend at the time) did our best to be our best to her. Two years later we conceived our son. We decided to get married at that time. My wife and I could never seem to be happy with each other. I always wanted the relationship to get better, live happily ever after. Our relationship deteriorated more and more everyday. I always thought one day she would mature and we would not fight over immature things. Whether or not that happened, my thinking was always that I would never leave the family regardless if I was unhappy in the marriage. I would be willing to live unhappy and try to fix things even if it was hopeless for the greater good of giving our children their try mother and father while they grew up, so long as there was no violence and our arguments did not traumatize our children. Long story short, my marriage never got good. This story is not to get into blame. My wife left with our kids today. I am free to visit them whenever, but it's not the same to me. I can not fathom not living with my children. I believe we owe them to both be there with them even if it means putting our happiness on the back burner until they are older at least. I feel like if we made the decision to have children then that's a commitment that needs to be withheld until they are done being raised, no matter what. I understand that my wife just wants to be happy. I feel like she should either sacrifice that for the time being or work on being happy with me, the father of her children. I understand that life doesn't always work out ideally but if you decide to birth an unplanned child, you give up the right to give up on that child's family unless there is immediate danger involved. The court system gives the mom custody by default when neither parent is a danger to their children. That gives extreme leverage to the mother. That allows the mother to selfishly give up on the family without having to worry about not living with the children. I could never do this. Not because I know that if I give up on my marriage I lose the kids. Even if the roles were reversed, I would not want my children to not live with their mother. I would sacrifice my happiness at least until they were fully raised. I almost see chosing to give up on the marriage instead of taking steps to keep the family together while being happily married is almost child abuse. That may seem like a stretch, but it is a way of negatively impacting a child for the benefit of yourself, or because you don't want to put in the work. If you were a young child of divorced parents, like I was,;you desperately wished to yourself that your parents would get back together and/or held out hope that one day it would happen. My wife's parents divorced when she was about 17-18 and maybe she doesn't realize how it genuinely effect children. Even if they don't express it, I never let my mom or dad know that every waking moment I hoped everything would go back to normal. I would have given anything. I am devastated knowing that my children, especially my daughter, is going to feel this way. Not only can I not imagine how I am going to deal with another man eventually living with my daughter and assuming any type of father/role model role, my heart aches knowing how I felt when I had to deal with another man being with my mom. It felt so unnatural and foreign. I truly feel I am affected to this day by it and I still feel that I wish my parents stayed together and that I would be a better person if they had. I feel like maybe my marriage wouldn't have ended the way it had or at all if I was raised by parents who stayed together. It's almost as if I expected this to happen because that's all I know. People say that it is better for parents who fight a lot to split up so their children don't witness it. I believe in that if there is violence or abuse . If not, I think that is a modern day saying to give the parents an excuse to break up and feel like they are doing the right thing. No Child wants their parents to split, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise. I think that in a custody hearing, if both parents are capable of parenting, if one party is willing to stay together and work on whatever it is that needs to be worked on for the greater good of the children, then that parent should be awarded the children to live with them because they are already clearly showing that they are willing to put what their child wants above what they want. I will just add this, I believe in my case my wife knows that if she divorces me, she will most likely be better off superficially. She's says that she does not careffor me and that she has never loved me. I believe she knows that she can find another man that has money and can provide a comfortable life that doesn't include financial stress. It think that may be a lot harder than she realizes, given numerous circumstances. I can not blame her for not being happy with me. I am not happy with her either. We never clicked. She has clearly stated that she blames me for ruining her life by getting her pregnant. She comes from a family that makes her feel entitled to things she has not earned. I believe it is because of this that she has not bothered to put inany effort whatsoever to make our relationship better for our children and in return better for ourseleves. I think she feels like i owe her the world because i am a "loser" and I should adapt to what she wants. I do agree that I should adapt to what she wants, however the relationship would never be successful because she needed to and should have adapted to what I want. For some reason she can not see this and today she left with the kids. That leaves me in a position where I do not know what to do and is why I am posting here. I want to be the dedicated father who will do anything and everything to be there and raise his children alongside mom. I feel like if I just sit back andlet this happen, then i am giving up on my children/family. It is more difficult because my wife is unwilling to listen or reason with me. I feel like she is taking the easy road, knowing that the court would never take the kids from her. I feel like if it wasn't always a given that the court awards custody to the mom, then she would be willing to attempt to make the family work in lieu of rolling the dice in family court. Maybe if it was this way, divorce rates would be lower and more children would grow up with a biological family which would decrease trickle down effects like crime, drug use, etc. Common reactions to children who grow up in broken homes. I'll wrap it up here, I know I'm not supposed to write this much, I just don't have anyone else to get this off my chest to. Does anyone have any advice for me? I am truly scared of what the future holds. I can not imagine living without my children. I definitely can not imagine another man parenting my kids, especially my daughter. I don't know how I will handle that man sleeping with my wife who i have been through so much with as far as creating life and transitioning from young adulthood to loving parents, although I think I can handle that one. If divorce is inevitable, what can I do to attempt to have the children live with me primarily? Please email me at [email protected] Lost in Boston, Jimmy
March 2012, my daughters, 9 and 13 called and said they wanted to live with me full-time and did not want to visit their mother any longer. We had joint custody of the girls, but mental illness and self-privledged inlaws made life hard. My children were used to hurt me, because nothing else could. I stopped counting the money spent for lawyers, counselors and court at $10,000.00. Two years of having my head layed on the table everytime we went to court, people feeling sorry for my Ex and everyone believing a mother just could not be like that . . . I was awarded custody of my children and the Ex gets every other weekend. No child support for the past two years I've had the children or even now, but I have custody to raise my children the way I always have. I work, I parent . . . I am the Daddymom, as my girls call me. Two years of stress on my children and they still don't want to see their mother. Even though I made sure they will see her, at least every other weekend, I will still be known as a man that took a mothers children away from her. Where I live it it basic, men make money and women raise kids. Not as of yesterday though. Daddy makes the money and raises the kids. When I wanted to give up my girls told me to stay strong and I did. Now, pay off loans for the past two years and save for their college. Happy, happy, happy.
Been in family court 8 years , daughter is ten -over 50k and years of time for sure lost to courts and processes, three agreements, never obided by. she has used DCSE and the passport restriction and locked me out of the country for two years--- I am now completely alienated as was allways the goal.
I am the birthmother of my now 7 year old daughter. I spent 2.5 years in Manhattan family court fighting for my daughter. I have an ex partner who is an attorney and did a second parent adoption when my daughter was 10 months old. My daughter has a father who she was very close to for the first 3.5 years of her life. When my daughter was 3 and a half, i asked my ex to stop drinking. I was our daughters primary care giver. My ex's drinking, with all the attitudes and behaviors of an alcoholic that go along with it was abusive. She was slurring her words, screaming at me in front of our child and talking about cutting our daughter's father off from her. I had a round trip ticket planned to take our daughter to go see my family in California for my mother's 70th birthday. Because things were so bad in our home, I decided to move the trip up two weeks and take my daughter to LA sooner. I changed my outbound ticket and notified my ex I was going earlier and that I was willing to work on it, but she needed to cool down. I fly to LA and the minute I got off the plane was served papers saying I absconded with my daughter. The family court signed off on a TCO and a TRO based on my ex's filing in court. I then spent 2.5 years fighting for custody. The court's decision to give full legal and physical custody of our daughter to my ex is baseless. There is no sound or substantial basis to the record and the judge made decisions that were not based on the law. I am in the process of filing an appeal in the next two weeks. Our daughter is suffering. She continues to witness my ex physically attacking me when we are in the same room. She holds my daughter back from being able to hug me or touch me. I have filed for an order of protection and the court denies me. My daughter is told disparaging things about me that aren't true, has limited phone time with me, and the court has denied me the right to take my daughter to the doctor unless it's an emergency. Whatever my ex says in court, the judge believes…no evidence needed. The law guardian files motions against me based on my ex's statements and without seeing or speaking to her client, the child. It's a conspiracy. I'm a great mom, a 4 time Emmy award winner, and a good human. I have the best attorney in the business who is drafting the appeal. The court, the judge, the law guardian all seem to have some bias. The judge would not let me call myself the birthmother in court. Would not let the father be called the father. Is this a gay issue? I think not. This is an issue about parenting. The family court has taken a draconian position that I am the freer spirit, more creative, less structured parent. Based on what? I'm a mom who just wants to protect her daughter from harm-negative behavior-a hostile environment. I am hopeful that I will prevail on appeal and be able to foster all the loving relationships with members of her family. Most importantly her father who has not been able to see her for two years. My heart is broken, however I get up every day and move forward towards the light. I am not reinventing the wheel based on everything I have read. It seems the parent who can't foster a positive relationship with the other parent-is disparaging-among other hostile behaviors- should be looked at more closely by the family court.
My name is Sheila, I am A Grandparent of one. This is my first grandchild. My son Byron married at Age 21 to Tashay also 21. They both married early unfortenately. They were married for (5) months. The very first month Tashay got pregnant and from that point started tearing down Byron in everything she said and did. Tashay put false aligations on Byron over and over again which can be proven, Tashay falseified official documents to police, DCF, Child Support, and courts again which can be proven. We my son and I have been (1) year in the courts fighting one battle after another due to Tashay's uncompashionate and selfish attitude of not wanting my son to have anything to do with Baby Ezekiel life. All these thinge have been falseified in order to gainthe upper hand in the child custody as well as child support which in turn has drug and put myself in the middle of the battle as I had to cover my son from all that Tashay was trying to do which caused me to lose a tramendous amount of money while dealing with all of this. $28,000.00 which is why I and my son did a Civil Claim on Tashay and have won, but now we are at the phase where we are worried about Child Support trying to pull tricks in order to get child support from my son. Tashay has broken many State Statues and has violent tendecies which stat due to this she should not only be doing jail time, but have limited time share with the child. Tashay has perjuried several times in court which can be proven as well along with all the false claims which can be proven. All these things are considered crimes because of the way it was done lieing to officials in the line of duty, lieing to court and trying to cheat and defraud the government in order to keep my son away from the Baby who is now (1) year of age. Thank you in advance for your time and assistance.
Sheila Lucas George
In the year 2010, March I got married with a girl with whom I have a relationship around 4 years. The girl worked at my office. When we know each other I came to know that she has old boy friend with whom she stayed around a month and had physical relation without informing her parents and go away with him at Gwalior. Later her parents know all these things and forcibly separated both of them. Still I loved her married and tried to save her and family to establish them in our social society without any demand. Initially my parent and elder sister and brother-in-law were not agreed on this. My brother-in-law and she belong to same place and that’s the reason he stopped me. But because of mine self-satisfaction and true love they agreed. After marriage I went to US for 4 months because of my project requirement. I'm an IT Professional and she left her job after our marriage. During first year her parents were involved in our day to day life, rather she informed our each and everything to her parents. To resolve this I took a job in Bangalore and plan to settle there. But as she was expecting at that time so I went alone and settled everything for her during her pregnancy period. December 2, 2011 I blessed with a baby boy and after 2 months I asked her to come to Bangalore but her parents doesn't allow her to go as she was not strong enough to stay alone in Bangalore with a new baby boy. I asked her parents to stay with us but they not agreed. However, after another 6 months we planned for my son’s rice ceremony at my home town Kolkata and planned that we will move to Bangalore after rice ceremony. But due to my project my company transferred me to Mumbai and so I bring them to Mumbai. I setup my new rented 3 bhk flat and everything at Mira Road and moved with my wife and 7 months baby boy. After 7 months I got a new job in Pune and decided to move because of Mumbai was crowd and traffic city which took long time to reach at my home. January 10, 2013 we moved to Pune and stayed around three months her parents asked me to send her for my son first hair cut ceremony. I was too much loaded with my new job and other house work so unable to manage. But I told her parents that I will send them along with my mother. I discussed with my mother to take them along with her and asked father to drop them after one month. There are only two trains from Pune to Howrah and due to this their ticket not confirmed though I booked the tickets around 1 and half months before. So I asked them to postpone the trip we will do it later but her parents keep calling me and my parents and her and forcing me to send by anyhow. No matter how much ticket cost, even he asked me to send them by flight and he will pay the money. I feel very insulting and told him I will not send them by flight. However, I took the ticket from broker with Rs.1500 (SAI Travels Pune) extra per head and booked ticket in Tatkal. My Mother and she went to Kolkata to complete the ceremony. After one month when return date came she refuses to come back at Pune. She just calls my father and said I'll not go, my father took the leaves and all but suddenly she made everything hard for him, after retirement my father working in a private company to make him busy. So he called me and explains, I asked her the reason and tried to make her understand but she said her parents are not well and she has fever. After 10 days she asked me to send all her certificates by courier. When I asked the reason she told me that her father will take some industrial loan from it to setup a dice machine setup. I refused to hand over anything without our final discussion but she keeps asking me to send the documents. At last I asked my brother-in-law to go along with me to settle this. When we reached to their place we see everybody is enjoying their daily life and none of them having any health issue. When I asked the reason they had given us all crap things about our husband and wife’s small issues and refuse to send her. His father asked me sends the certificates via courier. I refused again and stayed there for 2 days keep asking her to come but she doesn't come. So I returned back to Pune alone with lots of my bad feelings. Next day I got a call from her and she asked me to talk to his father and say sorry. I refused and said that I’ll not do anything and will not say sorry, but after a long discussion I said to her that I'll say sorry later but not now. First you come along with my baby then we will talk and ask for sorry. She told me that she will talk to her father and will inform me. Later she agreed and asked me to book the tickets. I booked the ticket through a Kolkata broker and paid Rs. 1000 per head extra again. 15 days later she came along with her father and the last day of her father returning she asked me to handover the certificates. I told them that I will handover it but I need to know the proper reason. Her father lied and gave illogical explanation which is not possible at all. Thereafter, I dropped him at Pune station and said sorry to him for last few days. After two months again he visited to our place by saying to see our new car. After few days he went back to home and came again after three/ four months along with my mother-in-law. This time the reason was my son's 2nd year birthday. We all enjoyed his birthday and spend good time in a Mezza9 open lounge. 2/3 days later they returned back to their home. Next day there was a small argument between my wife and me and she made a call to his father and asked him to take them. December 13, 2013 his father came to Pune and next day he takes her along with her certificate, jewellery and everything, my son too. From December 14 to January 14, 2014 I tried lot to make them to understand the future about my wife and son. But hey stopped taking my call and she changed her mobile number too. Then I decided to leave her for the sometime to realize herself but February 10, 2014 on my birthday she filed a 498A case against me and my parents. Currently my parents got their bail by spending Rs. 10000 and lawyer charged Rs 100000 for my bail, my bail is still in process. Please help me and advice as my 2 year old child is involved in this and I don't want to spoil his life, education. At the same time I'm thinking to take some legal action against them but not sure about procedures.
When I got a divorce in 07 I had a domestic violence restraining order with no evidence supporting the claim there has never been a police report or CPS either so my ex has been able to brain wash my son that I have not been able to have any contact for the last 7 years. This is in the peoples republic of california. The family court lawyers and judges need to be put in jail.
Judges are the problem with the courts and have been for many years. I filed requesting the courts order my ex to pay her proportional share of college expense, which she agreed to do. We were forced to go to a trial. The Judge concluded that she in fact was aware and had agreed to sharing the cost of college. However, later in her decision she "created" numbers that made is so the ex did not have to pay back monies already spent by Father. The Judge, she, Ulwick of Canton, then ordered full child support retroactive, to pay half of college for the next child, and to pay the ex for half of what she just paid for 1 semester. The net result, the ex income of $70k/yr was increased to $82k/yr and the Fathers income was reduced from $50k/yr to $30k/yr. In essence the Father was financially punished for going to court and the mother was given a bonus for simply going to court. Judge Ulwick erred in her calculations on reimbursing Father for expenses he paid. She also erred in that child support guidelines specifically state if child support is awarded then college expense is not presumptive and visa versa. She basically threw out the guidelines and decided on her own. It is unbelievable what a Judge can and will do to Fathers. They are a system that is designed to hurt and punish men, fathers. They are above the law and should not be. So who do you go to to get help? There is NO ONE that cares. Not Legislators, not Senators, not Governor. Its impossible to be treated fairly.
Last weekend my stepdaughter (24) called her father sobbing uncontrollably. She had been out to her brothers, to visit their newborn child (her niece). After holding her niece for a week something inside of her snapped, I guess.
She confessed that her stepfather had molested her when she was 9 or 10, and that instead of reporting it, her mother suggested they simply move out and say nothing about the incident Otherwise she'd lose custody and child support. So that is what the did. Her mother divorced the pervert, and they hid this from everyone and his daughter had this darkness to deal with all these years.
But 15 years later the pain is resurfacing......
It never occurred to me before, but our current system of 'custodial parent' and 'make dad pay' really does promote the concealment of sexual assault by the 'custodial parent' to retain support. Maybe there are others out there like us, with a similar story to share.
This case involves an unethical adoption attempt that was taken to the California Appellate Court. The adoption bid failed with the April 2012 Appeals Court decision - Anthony's daughter is not even eligible for adoption. This happened over a year ago. In response to to appeals Court decision, the failed PAP immediately filed for "Legal Guardianship" of Hailey. Anthony's daughter remains in the failed PAP's possession as the Guardianship case drags on indefinitely...with no end in sight. Hailey is now 4 years old. Long before Hailey was born, Anthony sought to establish his parental rights by filing and serving a Petition to Establish Parental Relationship/DNA test. Nevertheless, bio-mother arranged for and offered his child at birth for adoption without his knowledge or consent.When the bio-mother ceased contact with him about three months pre-birth, she contacted an agency and selected prospective adoptive parents. The bio-mother knew that Anthony would not consent to adoption, wished to raise his own child, and she disclosed this fact to the agency and the pre-adoptive parents.Hailey was born on January 1, 2010. It is believed that Anthony was hospital-designated as “do not allow contact/information”. His daughter was whisked from the hospital and taken into the home of the prospective adoptive parents.A Termination of Parental Rights/Petition for Adoption trial followed soon after the PAPs took his daughter. It is our understanding that he was granted visitation. In May 2011, Anthony was found to be a “Kelsey S.” presumed father but somehow "unfit" to raise his daughter. He was "TPR'ed" (Termination of Parental Rights) on this basis. His visitation apparently ceased as the trial court gave the "green-light" for the adoption to move forward.Anthony promptly appealed the trial court’s decision. On April 24, 2012, the appellate court reversed the TPR, declared that the trial court had abused its discretion and clearly erred when it deemed him "unfit", and again affirmed his “Kelsey S.” status. The appeals court ordered the trial court to reinstate his visitation as quickly as possible while custody was decided on remand. With this decision, the adoption failed as his consent was needed to proceed. The apparently now-single failed PAP filed a new case in a new court for legal guardianship of his daughter six days later, putting forth the argument that it would be detrimental to Hailey to remove her from the “only home she’s ever known”, even though his visitation was reinstated and Anthony and Hailey's bonding had never ceased. What has followed seems to be more delays and stalling while the failed adopter keeps Anthony's daughter in her primary possession. We understand that, as of February 2014, the guardianship case continues. The FAMILY law that the ADOPTION court is using is CA Family Code Section 3041; several legal scholars have said that this law is unconstitutional when it comes to adoptions/guardianships, as it hearkens back to the famous "Baby Richard" case. Basically, hold the child in your possession and she's yours based on "best interests".
Our son has been fighting for custody of his daughter since she was 3 years old. Everytime we walk into the courtroom it's the same old thing. The judge tells our lawyer and our son to sit down and be quiet. She listens only to the mother and the depositions from the mothers family. In one case a deposition was sent in by the grandmother on the mothers side--she is a confirmed life-long alcoholic suffering from senile dimensia for the last 5 years. She wrote that none of her daughters ever had anything to do with drugs or alcohol. The trouble is she had just paid $50,000.00 for one daughter to fail 2 drug and rehab programs! But because this pillar of society was an RN the judge believed every work she said and BASED the whole case on it! The fact that the mother has serious mental problems of her own didn't matter because we couldn't get a search warrant to get the records from the same judge. So now my only granddaughter is in the hands of a mother who is a confirmed sociopath, psychopath, and narcisist on top of which she added pathological liar. The abuse she commits is all emotional and psychological which, speaking from experience, is the worst kind. Does anyone know who oversees the superior court judges? Who can we report all this to? I'm ready and have been for some time to report it but don't have a clue as to whom I should report it. Please tell me who to report this horrendous behavior to!!
Hello, I have a 10 year old son, I recently moved to Columbia SC in 2012 to provide a better living and gain employment with the help of some family members. I was out of work for 1.5 years and was getting any luck finding work. Spoke with my sons father in regards to me relocating and he understood due to the fact that he couldnt find work himself for the past 4 years. Everything was all good and I moved found work found a house and was getting situated. The father called one day spoke to our son then asked me when and if I was I coming back in town for the holidays I told him I wasnt sure because I just started working and just moved into a home so funds were tight. Everything was all good at least I thought until one day I decided to call the clerks office and follow up on my child support case because the father hasnt been working nor was he getting unemployment anymore and I wanted the support order reinstated. Thats when I found out I had a pending custody case open n Connecticut. So I o to the court hearing and this guy told the judge his reasons for filing was because I just up and left and he didnt have no where abouts as to where I was. To make a long story short the father lied in the courts, the courts had me go through all this mess and my son went from spending the summer with his dad to having to stay in CT because hes in school. he doesnt have a place of his own, he lives with his mother, he has 2 other kids that he barley see, and he just starting working and that was only to look good before the judge otherwise he was fine being unemployed and living off of family and friends, he was detained last year for not paying his child support, lost the last place he lived at and he and the girlfriend are living in separate cities, now my son is miserable, have poor grades , been suspended from school more than once and hates having to go back with his dad after having a visit with me. He wonders why the courts made him say when he expressed that he wanted to be with me. His dad doesnt have him in any activities afterschool, doesnt buy him the clothes he needs or keeps up with his hair cuts, the father isnt involved with his schooling like I was. The GAL was no help now Im stuck with a $2,000 bill for services I didnt ask for. And Im fighting everyday to get my son back...lawyers want $5,000 to take my case and I have no other resources for help. Bottom line is the father was jailed and figured if he told the courts I ran off with our child then I would be jailed to, and he wanting to get out of paying me child support. The judge had a bench warrant for my arrest but I explained how I didnt have any clue of the court dates and the father said nothing to me about them. Eventhough he claimed not to know where I was and havent heard from me, he managed to give the courts a bogus address in Columbia SC, so the judge dismissed the warrant. So I had to sign the visitation agreement which I came up with for the father and it was reversed on me, which also gave the father physical custody of my son and I was told that if I didnt sign it theres was no guarantee that I would see my son since it will be the fathers decision,everytime I talk to my son he ask me when am I coming to get him. My son is use to being taking care of a certain way and now that he has been living with his dad the guy who he thought was king of all kings has now given my son a chance to see him for who he really is. Its one thing to be with your child (children) because you honestly want to and give them the best, but then its another things just to do it to prove a point or to show a different light about you, make people admire you... those who know you and your character can see right through it all. But when a child can notice it and point it out on their own its just sad.
My daughter recieived a degree in social work with a minor in criminal justice. She wanted to help those who were falsely accused. She became a victim falsely accused of child abuse of her adopted "asperger's" son. She had worked for the county as counselor in a juvenile correction facility, a domesitic relations conference officier, and lastly as a clerk in prothonotary. Upon receiving her foster son at the age of 6 months she became a stay-at-home mom. 12 months later she had a son. The main arguments by the court were that we, meaning my daughter and her parents treaty the children with disparate. In the judges order from the custody trial he states, "if mother and maternal grandparents can demonstrate 'unconditional love" to the adopted son as to the natural born son I will consider 50/50."
The statement from CYS for which my daughter was convicted was, "that mother hit child on the head with a spray bottle and caused a bump on the head that caused significant pain." This was that statement given by CYS for their stand against my daughter from her expungement hearings. The state ruled that the case be expunged. It took two years to get that result. In my daughter's modification trial the judge says the expungement is irrelevant. The original child abuse record made it impossible for her to find work in her field of expertise. When the original ruling was made I had just started working as a Children's Ministry director. The ruling made it that my daughter could not work with me or bring her children to church. The boys were only 4 and 5 with she was made a "child abuser". Twenty months into our case I wrote a letter to the Judge. He conspired with the attorney of my church to have me suspended from my position. Of course I resigned. Before taking that position I did volunteer work with children for 40 consecutive summers. This was my first paid position in Christian Service. I taught math for more than 40 years.
My daughter's husband won primary in the custody trial. He also won modification in her modification trial (which is illegal). She appealed to the superior court for both trials. She earned an argument with the Superior Court. The Superior Court's order mirrored the Trial Courts lies. We filed complaints with the Judicial Conduct Board against both the Trial Judge and the Superior Court. Our information contained more than 250 items of interest on 3000 plus pages. The answers from the JCB was contained in just four lines of type.
I published a book in 2011, "AS GOOD AS A DOG: THE CUSTODY TRIAL". The last pages of the book were my Legislative Proposal for Family Justice. I gave a book to each of the 25 members of the house committee on children and youth. They will not give me an audience.
Today my daughter works for a private organization to place foster children, especially those difficult to place. She has never received alimony. She did receive child support for 16 months when she was awarded 50/50 before the custody trial. For the last 5 years she has received no support. She does not make enough money for rent. We pay it. Oh yes, the abusive mother is good enough to have primary in the summer. Her husband does not want to pay for day care. It was all about the money.
I can only scratch the surface on this forum... I am a father of three kids. I should have known when I got my girlfriend of 6 months pregnant, that the fight was going to be for the rest of my life. She said, "You are going to marry me, or I swear you will NEVER see your child!" I did marry her. We even had another child. I love them more than anything! They are my everything! However, since our separation in 2006, I have been maliciously accused of child abuse, child sex abuse, spousal abuse, she has tried to have me fired from my job, and countless other false accusations that ALL ultimately get dismissed by the courts. However, every accusation has been entertained. My ex wife knows how to use the system, and made every accusation as a tool to punish me and to alienate me from my children. She successfully kept me from seeing the children for a 7 month stint in the beginning, and I cannot tell you how many birthdays, and other special events I have missed due to her ruthless vindictiveness.
At the same time, she has lied about her income, etc, and although she has worked and owns rental property and gets steady income, she continually refuses to provide her financial documents, even when threatened with contempt by a judge...however the family court system in Maryland is a JOKE, and therefore, I am the man in the equation, and since someone is going to pay child support, it is me, even though she makes more money than me. She has bankrupted me, caused my house to foreclose, and ruined me financially. However, I gladly gave all my money to lawyers to continue the fight because its the only way I am going to be in my children's lives....I LOVE them so much!!!
i have 4 children, 3 out of the 4 I have not had a visitation in 21 months. working on my 4th lawyer, 6 therapist! My story is so severe, so Vile and Vulgar I dont think i could post it..
i have been threatened, abused, manipulated by my ex and now my children are victims of this abuse.
the state of PA is so behind and I am disgusted that "HUMANS"(lawyers, therapist, judges) turn their heads to whats really going on. Nobody cares about my children and its SICK!
10 YRS of Non-stop Divorce Litigation! Yes, you read that correctly. I have lived through 10 years of Divorce Litigation. I have been to Family Law court (Houston-Harris Co.) 105+ times.....I have been in court EVERY single year since 2004! There has been over $500K spent on attorneys! I have personally produced over 26,000 pages of documents for numerous Discovery requests....only to watch a few select docs presented in court with the Judge failing or refusing to read the docs that are presented as evidence AND I have lost my only child to a system that thinks it is ok to kidnap the child from the Father or to practice leaglized "Child Trafficing!" after seeing my child EVERY possible time that I was awarded in the standard Possession Order for 5 years. I have now not seen my daughter for 5 Years! On approximately the 80th court date, I refused to show up in court because I was flat broke and had no funds to hire another atty. There was a 25 minute hearing at best and the Judge gave my only child the RIGHT to choose if she wanted to see her Father or not AND gave my ex a $120K Judgment against me for her atty fees! I have not seen my daughter since that day in court! Essentially, the Judge terminated my parental rights but did NOT terminate my outrageous Child Support which was now $1652/mo for ONE child. This outrageous process has destroyed me emotionally and financially. I was married 14 years when I decided I had to get out of my marriage to survive. If I would have known that the corrupt Family law courts could destroy me in every way possible (financiially, mentally and emotionally), I would have stayed in the marriage until my daughter (my only child) turned 18.
So after all those years of financial devastation and emotional pain, I wanted to recap the last 2 years. I am in real estate sales and have been for over 20 years. When the financial collapse hit in 2008, the real estate market suffered tremendously. In the following years, my income dropped apprx 60% and I got behind on my Child Support. In 2010, I tried unsuccessfully to get my CS reduced. In 2012, I was in dire straits financially. According to TX state law, I had the right to file a Modification (reduction in Child Support) with the Attorney General office which I did. There was not $1 left for me to pay another attorney. I assumed that this process with the state AG office would go as it should but I was terribly wrong again. My ex promptly hired another atty to fight my right to get my CS reduced per my tax returns. This atty she hired was able to delay the hearing in the AG court 10 times....almost 2 Full YEARS! The AG office asked me for certain documents within 30 days (i.e. tax returns, 1099s, bank statements, etc) which I provided in a timely manner. But I soon found out that wasnt enough for my ex's atty and she sent me 20 pages of Discovery requests and Interrogatories!! How utterly ridiculous....this was a part of this egregious process to build up her fees to some ridiculous amount and then have the Judge order me to pay them!! She succeeded in that and after 2 years of delays, I was ordered to pay her atty over $14K in atty fees plus the $11K to the atty I had to hire to defend me in the state AG court! All of my atty fees were paid by one of my sisters. BTW, when I filed all the proper docs that the AG requested, the AG office filed a lawsuit requesting my Modification because the financial docs warranted the action. During the 2 year delay, I fell further behind in my Child Support but tried to pay as much as I could. About 18 mos in to this ridiculous process, her atty filed a "Motion to Enforce" along with a Contempt Motion to put me in Jail for 6 months!! This entire process was initiated by me and processed by the state AG office to get my CS payments reduced according to the state law AND now it was her trial and their relentless efforts to put me in JAIL. The AG Judge never stopped once and said it is his legal right to get his CS reduced per his income and lets get that done before we go put him in Jail! The atty representing the state AG office told the Judge several times he had all the required docs to go forward with a TRIAL but the Judge never let it happen until her atty was finally ready almost 2 YRS later. Yes, there would be a full-blown trial! The COMMON SENSE thing would be to sit down in the AG's office and look at my actual income per my tax returns and compute what I should be paying per month. But that didnt happen, we had a 3 to 4 hour trial that was used by the other side to once again "assasinate my character" in front of the Judge with their bundle of lies which were never proven. In fact, this was a money Modification and was supposed to be nothing else! The most surprising part of it was that my Tax Returns were a very minor part of the entire trial. The AG's office is required by law to produce the evidence that I submitted to the Judge. The woman who actually ended up representing the AG office NEVER gave the Judge any of my Tax returns or 1099's. After 2 years of delays, this woman from the AG office spent about 10 mins on my financial evidence but was very interested in asking me questions about other things. The icing on the cake came when my ex showed up in court with an ex-girlfriend of mine from 2007! She was not on the witness list and she knew NOTHING about my current financials in 2013. My atty objected since she was not on any witness list AND she had NO knowledge of my personal financial status! The AG Judge allowed her to testisfy and it became another bag of lies. She claimed that a piece of raw land that I received in my Divorce settlement was now worth 4 times what it was worth when I was divorced (based on a 2007 conversation we had....6 yrs prior to this hearing). The fact was that I lost the land in 2009 after the financial collapse. The opposing side continued to state in court that I secretly owned the land although I had a settlement statement that showed the land was sold to another party through the bank.
In the end, all I was trying to achieve was a reduction in my Child Support based on my last two years income. It should have been reduced 50 to 60% based on my tax returns. The Judge ended up reducing it less than 20% ($300) but then decided to add on a huge monthly amount to pay for the arrearage! So now I have been ordered to pay $2081/mo which I cannot afford along with the threat of JAIL! The Family Law courts refuse to even acknowledge that the common people went through the worst recession this country has ever seen since The Great Depression! It was not just one year....it was 4 to 5 years for most of us!