Default Shared Parenting: Making It Work For The Kids.
July 17, 2019 by Ginger Gentile, National Parents Organization Deputy Director
“It was just easier not to see her.”
“They left it up to me if I wanted a relationship with my dad.”
“My dad hates my mom. My brother hates my mom, and I can’t see either of them.”
For my upcoming documentary, Erasing Family, I interviewed children who had a parent erased from their lives after divorce. These children were suffering from divided loyalties and torn between two parents. In talking with so many children who have lost contact with a loving, fit parent after divorce, a pattern emerged. So profound is their need for stability that they will decide not to talk to a parent for years, even decades, in an attempt to keep the peace and love of the parent they have. These children are desperate to avoid conflict, which caused them to run away from the “other” parent.
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A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begin with a Single Step
NPO Study Prompts Ohio Counties to Update Parenting Time Rules
July 16, 2019 by Don Hubin, PhD
When we think of success in promoting shared parenting, the image that often comes to mind is NPO’s stunning success in Kentucky. There, Matt Hale led a successful movement for a dramatic legislative change. In Ohio, we haven’t been able to duplicate this sort of shared parenting home run … yet! But a study that several of us undertook last year seems to be producing base hits.
In 2018, Frank Glandorf, Julie Carpenter-Hubin, and I reviewed the parenting time guidelines of each of Ohio’s county courts, grading these on the degree to which they promoted equal shared parenting. The results, presented in the NPO Ohio Parenting Time Report, were depressing but not surprising. Sixty-four of Ohio’s 88 counties were still locked into the “every-other-weekend-and-one-evening-a-week” model that dates from the Madmen era.
This approach to separated parenting has never been shown by scientific research to be beneficial to children and, even if there was a time when it made sense, we are far beyond that time. The work and parenting patterns of modern families are far different from those of the 1950s.
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Divorced Dads & Daughters: Why does their relationship take such a hard hit
July 15, 2019 by Dr. Linda Nielsen
Based on the social science research summarized in my books for the past three decades, after parents separate, fathers’ relationships with their daughters are generally more damaged than their relationships with their sons.1, 2 This is not especially surprising since, when parents are living together, mothers generally have closer relationships with their daughters than with their sons. Mothers also generally disclose more personal information and seek advice and comfort more often from their daughters. Daughters are more likely than sons to hear damaging information about their dads from their moms and to end up being their mom’s confidante and “counselor”—a situation that generally gets worse and further weakens the father-daughter relationship after the parents separate.
Three situations that do the most damage to the father-daughter relationship are the mom’s refusal to share the physical custody of the children, her gatekeeping behaviors, and her negative reactions to the dad’s girlfriend or new wife. 1,2
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Kentucky: Happy Anniversary Equal Parenting!
July 14, 2019
One year ago today, the first equal parenting law went into effect in Kentucky. Happy anniversary equal parenting!
At the time of passage, the bill was the very picture of popularity. It passed the Kentucky House by a vote of 81-2 and the Senate unanimously.
With a year’s worth of feedback, how’s equal parenting faring in the Bluegrass State? Numerous sources inform me that it’s doing very well, thank you.
First, it continues to be overwhelmingly popular with everyday folks. Legislators understood its popularity when they voted for the bill and that support continues. According to one poll, six out of seven people (84%) support the new law.
But, in the case of shared parenting, simple popularity isn’t enough for a law to be worthwhile. What’s been its effect on the process of divorce and custody cases? After all, one of the promises of shared parenting is that it will make the process easier, quicker, less expensive and less stressful for all concerned.
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