Click If You Are Having Trouble Viewing This Email
Be sure to add [email protected] to your contacts so our emails get to your inbox.

National Parents Organization

Share Our Enewsletter

Disposable Dad

Five Ways to Hold On to Your Alienated Child

What Is Your Experience with Your GAL?
May 1, 2013
Top Story
Disposable Dad

Disposable Dad
According to Ned Holstein, MD, MS, Founder and Chair, National Parents Organization, parental alienation is very common. The majority of divorces involve some degree of alienation, where one of the parents makes an effort to cast the other in a bad light. “In most cases, it is mild or intermittent when, in their anger or frustration, they let something slip that they may later regret,” he says.

In more serious alienation cases, Holstein continued, behaviors cause a child to be mentally manipulated or bullied into believing a loving parent is the cause of all their problems and/or the enemy. The noncustodial parent is then to be feared, hated, disrespected, and avoided. Holstein says that if a parent is successful in alienating a child, it may take decades before the situation ever turns around. “You hear of a 40-year-old reconciling with her aged father after years of never talking or seeing each other,” he says.

One person’s struggle with the system has become National Parents Organization’s most recent Affiliate.

Jones discovered National Parents Organization while he was researching parental alienation on the Internet. When he began to notice that we were making “great progress” getting legislation passed to promote shared parenting (parenting by both parents) in other states, he contacted us to see if we were in the process of changing legislation in Utah.

When we told Jones we had acquired 74 members from Utah on our mailing list, but had no volunteers or supporters, he agreed to head the Utah organization. He will have the backing of a national organization that has already successfully lobbied and changed laws in other states when he seeks to change the Utah laws to make sure that they are administered fairly.

Exerpted from City Weekly, Utah, cover story by Carolyn Campbell.

Five Ways to Hold On to Your Alienated Child
By Ned Holstein, Founder and Chair of the Board, National
Parents Organization

Ned Holstein
Ned Holstein, MD, MS
Founder & Chair of the Board
  1. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Do not separate from your partner without an agreement in writing for sharing the parenting, preferably 50/50. It is very hard for your ex to alienate your child against you if the child is experiencing your loving care half the time.
  2. An alienated young child may fear you as a result of your ex’s scare tactics. If so, it is best to see your child in school, during her sports activities, or other public places with other people around.
  3. Ask parents of your child’s friends to invite you over when your child is playing with their child.
  4. Equip an older child with a cellphone. This opens up telephone, text, Skype, and email communication. Some may keep it secret from the alienating parent.
  5. Even if a child rejects you over and over, invite them to do something fun with you each and every week. They will see that your door is always open to them, and some day they will walk through it.

What Is Your Experience with Your GAL?
By John Clapp, Member, Executive Committee, National Parents Organization of Connecticut

John Clapp
John Clapp
Testimony before the Connecticut Judiciary Committee on Friday, April 5, 2013, revealed major flaws in Connecticut’s guardian ad litem system. GALs are supposed to interpret the “best interest of the child” in contested custody cases. Often, judges lean heavily on information provided by the GAL. The ability of parents to spend time with their children can depend on support from the GAL.

National Parents Organization would like to learn about your experience. Or, if you are a GAL, we seek to learn more about how you think the system works or could be improved to serve our children. Share Your Story, now.

Many of those testifying reported problems, including:
  1. Poor training. GALs require only 30 hours of training. No law degree, no study of child behavior, no other experience with children.
  2. No accountability. The parents paying the bills cannot fire the GAL! And, GALs have immunity from law suits.
  3. Few meetings with children and refusal to meet with those intimately involved with the children’s lives.
  4. Excessive pay. Hourly rates were reported in the $200-$325 range and total billings in excess of $20,000 per year. The testimony suggested that GALs are more interested in the pay than in the welfare of children. Parents can be jailed for failure to pay GALs.
  5. In some cases, getting a high paying GAL assignment requires a cozy relationship with an attorney representing one side of the custody case. In these cases, the GAL may be more interested in supporting the attorney than in the children.
In fairness, other parents have had good experience with GALs. But the testimony suggests major problems with the GAL system.

What is your experience with Connecticut’s GAL system? National Parents Organization’s objective is to find more information about Connecticut’s GAL system. It would be especially helpful to get some experienced GALs to comment, or even defend themselves. It is always good to hear both sides.
In the News
Father 'Smacked Down' by Police, Child Taken by Child Protective Services Despite Doctor's Clean Bill of Health

German Study Shows Shared Parenting Best for Kids

New York Court: Custodial Dad Doesn’t Have to Pay Child Support Despite Disparity in Incomes

California Court Takes Child From Fit Father Despite Child’s Best Interests

What Happens When a Feminist's Son is Accused of Rape

Contribute to National Parents Organization

National Parents Organization improves the lives of children and strengthens society by protecting every child’s right to the love and care of both parents after separation or divorce. We seek better lives for children through family court reform that establishes equal rights and responsibilities for fathers and mothers.

National Parents Organization's vision is a society in which:
  • Children are happier and more successful because their loving bonds are protected after parental separation or divorce:
  • Children have a natural right to be nurtured and guided by both parents:
  • Society treats fathers and mothers as equally important to the wellbeing of their children:
  • Shared parenting after separation or divorce is the norm:
  • The courts arrange finances after separation or divorce so that both mothers and fathers can afford to house and care for their children and themselves: and
  • Our society understands and respects the essential role of fathers.

Core Principles
Our core principles are:
  • Shared Parenting: Shared parenting protects children’s best interests and the loving bonds children share with both parents after separation or divorce.

  • Parental Equality: Equality between genders has been extended to every corner of American society, with one huge exception: family courts and the related agencies.

  • Respect for Human and Property Rights: The Supreme Court of the United States has found that “the interest of parents in the care, custody, and control of their children... is perhaps the oldest of the fundamental liberty interests recognized by this Court.”

National Parents Organization
National Parents Organization
PO Box 270760
Boston, Massachusetts 02127
(617) 542-9300
[email protected]

This email contains a promotional message from the non-profit organization National Parents Organization.
© 2013. National Parents Organization. All Rights Reserved.